Twitter / atb20

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

who? me? work?

i just got off the phone with mil and said, "well, i should get back to the grind." funny since i wasn't "grinding" before, and as is clear by this post, i am not "grinding" now. the problem with a hectic work month is that the minute the hectic is over you want to just chill for a while, and that means "not work." problem is they are paying me to be here to work, and meanwhile i'm quite defiantly not working. since i arrived, i made two work calls, dropped off the laptop borrowed for last night's class, checked a budget, got frustrated, checked, checked, checked incremental degrees (very good post about the february doldrums), sent two non-work-related emails, checked mbajackass's blog, sent a work-related email, moved money (and not the good way), looked for a new obgyn, hours later made an appointment with a new obgyn, checked a little pregnant and sweet juniper, got call from mil, and now here i am. something's gotta change...
other thoughts i've had lately revolve around procreation. while my clock has settled down a bit (thank goodness!), i'm still puzzled by this whole parenthood thing. i monopolized a large chunk of cat and metsfan's sunday peppering them with questions about how the f-ck people afford to be parents in nyc? (for those not in the know, the lovely couple is about a month away from becoming lovely parents, at which point i'll have to discontinue use of terms like "f-ck") unfortunately, our conclusion was that most of them chuck family life in favor of ungodly sums of money and let the nanny raise the kid. this is reinforced by the sight of numerous racially mismatched "mothers" and kids on the sidewalks of the upper west side when i went to see my doctor yesterday. now, maybe i'm odd, and i really can't find a rational reason for this belief, but i am staunchly opposed to the idea of a nanny... at least in my life. the truth is, mil will have to be a doctor for many years before we could ever consider affording a nanny, but my revulsion to the idea goes much deeper. despite the fact that i really do want to work outside the home, i also really want to be a daily part of my child's life. i want to be the mother, and i don't want there to be any confusion about that. for some reason daycare seems more pallatable. as metsfan pointed out, it's more like school. there's no confusion... it's clearly not home, so that's clearly not my mother (or father). i'm curious as to what other people think about this issue (or if you have thoughts on the issue at all). i think this is one of the reasons i peruse so many parenting blogs. i wonder how other people are making it work, yet it it seems like many of the people i read about seem to have the luxury of more cashflow and/or a cushy, work-from-home gig. our little group all agreed that it would be great if the world was set-up so that we could each work out of the home part-time and care for our children part-time thus removing the necessity of choosing one over the other. for me, family trumps work every time.


Cartooniste said...

This afternoon I caught myself saying to L that the nice thing about being professors at Rice (new pipe dream) is that it's really easy to schedule your classes around carpool. You teach in the morning, pick the kids up at Pooh Corner, drop everybody off, take Offspring to office hours where (s)he entertains him/herself with books and toys to the appreciative stares of sycophantic undergrads, and then we all go home for dinner. He agreed, and said that he chose academia in part because he wanted to be a dad.
I think that your answer is a judicious use of part-time. It's what my mother did for a few years. She kept her hand in professionally, kept some money coming, relied on help from her parents and some babysitters/daycare type arrangements, and still was The Mom. I could easily see you and Mil doing something similar.
We should discuss this when I'm in town- hopefully later this month.

mba jackass said...

thanks for the shout-out. i once read an interesting article in ny magazine about how no matter how rich you became in NYC, you were always scrounging for cash. for example, you become a millionaire and now you have a giant apartment and all kinds of crazy expenses and nannies and so forth, so you find yourself working extra hard just to reestablish that cushion of extra cash that makes you feel truly financially secure. NYC living is a perpetual financial tight-rope.

moosk said...

it's true... why do we do this to ourselves...? then i imagine what it'd be like to live somewhere else.

and, ms. c, academic parenting seems like a great way to go -- though i can't believe you're seriously considering moving back to the old hood. i am hoping that i can find a way to make the private practice thing foot the bills at odd hours while mil works toward his md, but we shall see. keep me posted on the travel plans.