Twitter / atb20

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

things i'd like to do

- create a radio show that explores social issues in depth
- create a new princess monopoly with princesses who do stuff (and happen to look pretty without looking like barbie)
- try improv
- read lonesome dove
- learn how to develop film
- write a parenting book (hahaha...)

Monday, March 19, 2012

comebacks are harder than they look

in my case, this is not because there's so much fanfare [crickets] or the expectations are too high [haha], but because i want to try to find my voice as i am now. when i was writing before i was in a different place in my life ("places" to be exact). in fact, in rereading a smattering of my old posts, i realized how much happened in the few years i had been keeping this blog, and it is nice to have a document of how i felt and the thoughts coursing through my head at that time. of course, i was not and will never be an effusive writer, so there is a great deal that i left undocumented and unremembered -- because of my own nature and because of the nature of the medium. (and isn't that a huge part of the craft of writing in any medium... editing... selecting the parts you want to share and withholding unnecessary or otherwise troublesome details?)

so, here i sit about to write my second blog post in 2.5 years, and i don't really know where to begin. i feel like i gave the quick run-through in my last post, and now i have to dive into the here and now. in some ways, i wonder if there is a here and now. despite my husband and two kids, i feel far from settled. four months ago we quickly departed our apartment of 3.5 years and neighborhood of 11 years for the relative unknown of tribeca/battery park city. it's a beautiful neighborhood, but it's populated by a different breed of new yorker from the upper west side. the level of wealth seems to have jumped up a notch... and there is a very large international contingent (it is not rare to hear children speaking russian, dutch, french, mandarin, or german in the playroom and some of these toddlers speak all of the above). i also noticed that the parents downtown are way "hipper" than the ones on the uws... (my use of the word "hipper" proving my utter lack thereof.) i overhear parents in black leather motorcycle jackets with precisely mussed hair discussing their upcoming concerts or webcasts over the sandbox. these are not my people. my people write scientific papers and consider a trip to the bookstore a major outing. even the schools are hipper... veronica's art school has harvey keitel on the board and yoko ono as a benefactor. her community center has a jazz trio that comes to entertain the kiddos on sunday mornings. what's an unhip girl like me supposed to do?

anyway, this post was about the unsettledness of my life right now. i sometimes feel like there is a pendulum swinging overhead that is dictating the course of my life. i try to lean one direction to get the pendulum to go where i want it to, but my leaning has no impact on the speed and length of its arc. of course, mil's medschool is the pendulum... his performance has a huge impact on my life, but i am not really in control of it. he will either pass or fail. he will either continue on and become a doctor, or he won't, and my leaning will likely have nothing to do with it. if he does succeed [lean, lean, leeeaaannn], then we have two more years in this new neighborhood before we head off into the unknown. if he does not, then it is more likely that we have a year or less of this life before we gather our things and shuttle ourselves off to less expensive pastures. so that is where i am... in a very cool, very hip, unknown.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

attempting a comeback

testing... testing... one... two...
that's ok. i'm good with silence. and i should be after two years of silence on my end. for that, blog, i apologize. much has happened in the last two years... a baby has become a girl. an egg and a sperm became a baby. we moved... but not far. other things have not changed. mil is still in medical school. i am still working in the same snug little dungeon... though for only several hours a week. my mom is still not here. and that still sucks.

life has kept me busy and far from computers for the most part. up until a few months ago, i was working ten hours per week, mostly from home, mostly while veronica napped. after a colleague left, i increased my hours to twenty and increased my lovely babysitter's hours to twenty-seven. wow. when i calculate that out, it seems like so much. though i use that time both for work and for taking veronica to a couple of classes without her little sister.

oh, right, the little sister. i must make introductions.

this little soft, snuggly bunny is violet. she's approaching eight months old, and she is pure deliciousness from her dainty little toes to her halo of hair fuzz. she is a solid eater... packing away finger foods and squeezy fruits to her heart's delight, and making a wonderful mess in the process. i wish i could say that on the second child i care less about the mess... and maybe i do, but just a little. i've discovered that i'm a bit of a control freak. i know, i know... laid-back, little ole me? it's true. i don't like watching a mess in the works. when i see movies where characters are tearing apart a room or throwing food about, i cringe. and then i think, "oh, and they had to do that so many times! and someone had to clean-up!" it's very distracting.

anyway, onto my darling little cherub. she is just a ball of smiles and giggles--not unlike her big sister. although there are a few notable differences (other than the presence of hair at such an astonishingly young age): violet has this sly little smile... she'll look at you intently, study you to discern if you are worthy of one of her sparkly smiles, and then she pinches up the corners of her mouth just a little... her eyes start to twinkle... and then it's there, lighting up the room. her grand, two-tooth smile. and you just want to scoop it up and smother it with kisses. or at least i do.

she also rolls. this is new to me. she has recently begun transporting herself about our apartment using the log-roll. i have heard of other kids using this method, but it is another thing to witness it in my own home. it creates its own set of conundrums. see, when a child rolls somewhere, she's not actually looking where she's going. she's just sort of hurling her body in the general direction of whatever it is that she wants. if there happens to be a piece of furniture or other pointy object in the way, she's very likely to find herself wedged against it... not understanding why she's not moving. it's cute, but dangerous.

anyway, i'd love to catch-up more, but i'm at work. and technically, i should be working. but i was tempted by you, blog... maybe i will be again.