Twitter / atb20

Saturday, October 27, 2007

rainy day

the last two days here have been gloomy and rainy... yesterday, i think i spent 7 hours sitting on this very couch alternately working and reading blogs. you can just imagine how productive i was. mil came home at 10pm, and there i was... still on the couch. he wondered why i hadn't picked up the mail... um, because i haven't left the apartment in 10 hours... that's why. you'll be proud of me though. i did do some yoga. i'm loving inhale on oxygen. i highly recommend it if you're like me and prefer not to leave the comfort of home unless you absolutely have to but feel guilty if your heartrate doesn't rise above 60 bpm for over a week.

so lately, i've added daily kos to my google reader for a little extra edumacation. while there are far too many posts for me to keep up with on a regular basis, this one caught my eye. i have read quite a bit about the 2008 democratic primary (as a side note, can i say: 2008... so close!!), the iraq war, rendition, global warming, but i haven't heard as much about the surface mining of the appalachian mountains. unfortunately, i don't know many people in appalachia, but i can't begin to imagine how this is affecting people in the area... having the beautiful, green, leafy mountains decapitated... left desolate, barren, and brown, leaking toxic sludge into the native rivers and streams. your fall hike or summer camping trip, cut abruptly short by the tragic disappearance of the mountain you visited every year since your childhood. clouds of toxic dust drifting down from the mountains that used to provide fresh, clean air. its amazing to me that i've heard so little about this from major media sources... and that for decades our government has allowed coal companies to batter and destroy one of our most beautiful and bountiful natural treasures.

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Thursday, October 25, 2007

Monday, October 15, 2007

sweet jiminy christmas! i'm sorry for that downer of a post. i've been a little masochistic of late. my mom had a bit of a downturn in her health, and i haven't really wanted to talk about it in any other setting. for some reason, i get really defensive whenever anyone asks me how my mom is doing. like if i say she's doing anything less than "okay" i have to go into the whole thing... and the whole thing just hurts too much to talk about. i don't want to bring people down. and so far, things really aren't too bad. my mom has had some digestion problems, but it's more likely that they are the result of her surgery early this year than the cancer spreading. of course, every time i think about it, i start to think about the worst possible outcome... which doesn't really make sense given that most of this past weekend i got to be with my mom... talk to her... walk in the woods with her... and to listen to her talk to me. there's no reason i should dwell on future possibilities when right now ain't too bad. yeah, it's been better, but i know it's been worse, too. no matter what, i am not going to be able to be with my mom forever, and every moment i spend worrying about the future is a moment that i'm not enjoying the present.

anyway, all good resolutions aside, i'm doing a little better. i'm watching "the office" (btw, season one was pretty dang funny) and reading my book... and now that the weather is turning colder, i am back in the mood to knit. i just discovered this amazingly fun knitter... it's a shame that none of you folks knit because this looks like it's gonna be fun.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


i think i realize why i might be so addicted to this (not-so)little sci-fi series of mine. sometimes fiction allows you to explore times and places you would never otherwise experience... sometimes it offers you a glimpse of your own time and place from a perspective you hadn't taken... and sometimes fiction just takes you out of your own life for a little while. i used to be able to escape in my dreams... in my dreamworld i was someone else or somewhere else where my mom wasn't sick. but now my mom's cancer has infiltrated my dreams. i dream of her dying. when we got back from germany, i had a dream where i remember saying to my dad, "she was so healthy when we were in germany, but she was never the same after that." i couldn't shake that line from my mind after i woke up. the next day, when i asked her how she was feeling, she said she was okay, but a little "uncomfortable." this was the first time she hadn't felt well since she stopped chemo several weeks before. shortly thereafter, she went for a series of scans and bloodtests that showed that the cancer had progressed... some, but not much. she was allowed to start anvirzel -- a non-traditional cancer treatment that is in clinical trials -- which she could start at home, to see how that would go. we were hopeful. since then she has felt more "uncomfortable," and sometimes downright crummy. after a call to her doctor this morning, we learned that her tumors might be interfering with her digestion again, and she should probably get back on chemo asap. i try not to be superstitious, but i can't help but fear that my dream was an omen. i keep crying whenever i think about it... and all i want to do is pick up my silly sci-fi book and escape to a world where all they have to worry about is the keeper of the dead banishing all life to the underworld.

Monday, October 08, 2007

happy 33rd babycakes!!

my mil is 33 today. hard to believe when you see him in a crowd of 20-somethings. his backpack and buzz cut are the perfect camouflage for his wisdom and maturity... well, "maturity" might be a stretch, but he sure is cute... and smart!

d jumps

i'm sorry to be a bit flaky with the posting of late. i wish i could say that i'm up to exciting things, but it's really just this series of pulp sci-fi books i've become addicted to. i'm on book 2 of 12 (and each book is about 700-1000 pages). i would tell you what i'm reading, but i'm just too embarassed. the guy on the back of the book looks like a total sci-fi snob (pony-tail, black shirt... angry look on his face...) is it strange that i want my authors to look nice and approachable? is a smile too much to ask?