Twitter / atb20

Monday, October 15, 2007

sweet jiminy christmas! i'm sorry for that downer of a post. i've been a little masochistic of late. my mom had a bit of a downturn in her health, and i haven't really wanted to talk about it in any other setting. for some reason, i get really defensive whenever anyone asks me how my mom is doing. like if i say she's doing anything less than "okay" i have to go into the whole thing... and the whole thing just hurts too much to talk about. i don't want to bring people down. and so far, things really aren't too bad. my mom has had some digestion problems, but it's more likely that they are the result of her surgery early this year than the cancer spreading. of course, every time i think about it, i start to think about the worst possible outcome... which doesn't really make sense given that most of this past weekend i got to be with my mom... talk to her... walk in the woods with her... and to listen to her talk to me. there's no reason i should dwell on future possibilities when right now ain't too bad. yeah, it's been better, but i know it's been worse, too. no matter what, i am not going to be able to be with my mom forever, and every moment i spend worrying about the future is a moment that i'm not enjoying the present.

anyway, all good resolutions aside, i'm doing a little better. i'm watching "the office" (btw, season one was pretty dang funny) and reading my book... and now that the weather is turning colder, i am back in the mood to knit. i just discovered this amazingly fun knitter... it's a shame that none of you folks knit because this looks like it's gonna be fun.


Cartooniste said...

Hi Moosk,
Just letting you know I'm thinking of you. Please don't beat yourself up about feeling weird when people ask about your mom. You can always say "She's been better, but we're enjoying spending time together as a family," which is a good way of non-answering, but still honest. Your real friends won't care if you don't know how to answer- or don't want to.
I know that she must love being able to see you as often as she does.
If you ever need a break, you know, we're just a train ride away.

KarenO said...

Thanks SO MUCH for saying this: "every moment i spend worrying about the future is a moment that i'm not enjoying the present." It's really comforting to know that you know exactly how it feels going through infertility as well as being worried about your mom's cancer. Your comment on my blog meant a lot to me, thanks for that too! :) Hope your mom is doing well under the circumstances.