childing

Country Road
Originally uploaded by Jeannot7.

as i think about what the next few years are going to be like for mil and me (and how they are right now), i wonder why i feel so compelled to have children so soon. yes, 28 is precariously close to 30 when female bodies may or may not start making childing more difficult. yes, several close friends have become pregnant in recent months, and it seems quite exciting. but realistically, many women have children long after 30, and many more of my friends are nowhere near childing. chances are these are just rationalizations of more ingrained life changes.

perhaps its the first "tick" of the infamous biological clock. possible. it's also possible that the successful completion of life task #1, "find a mate," has left me ready for life task #2, "make babies." this seems rather reasonable, too.

the question for me is: who's right? the instinctual me that wants to make babies and be this inimitable earth-mother, planting a vegetable garden in the backyard (that doesn't exist) and knitting baby clothes while mil teaches them their abcs. or the rational me who realizes that it will be years before we can afford the money for a backyard and the time to sit and teach our kids their abcs. is it thoughtless and selfish of me to want to get started in less than a year?

at this point, i don't know, but i'll keep you posted. now it's back to all that school-work that does nothing to pay the bills.