Twitter / atb20

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

i've said it before...

cancer sucks. i read that tony snow has had a recurrence of his colon cancer form 2005. and elizabeth edwards' devastating recurrence of her breast cancer is all over the news. before i used to just think, "wow, that really sucks for them." now i think, "how do they deal? how do they face cameras and act like things are good when everything important in life feels like its falling apart? what would i do if they tell me my mom has another tumor? one that they can't remove?" right now that's my biggest fear, and there's nothing i can do to assuage my fears... there's no way to prove a negative. most of the time i can distract myself with day-to-day life. i just spent a lovely weekend in houston with my parents and my brother's family... and that's really all i can do: enjoy my family as much as i can, and try to remember that there are no guarantees in life... and for now, things are good. my mom started chemo two weeks ago, and she's feeling better than she did before she started (she's still recovering from the surgery). she's been gardening and playing with lmsp, and we just got back from a spring walk in the city.

2 comments:

Kate said...

my mom once told me that she kept all her m.d. anderson melanoma pamphlets in a little drawer in her desk which she never opened, but she could not throw them away for superstitious fear that she would need them again. as far as i know, she still has them.
i think you're right- the fear may never go away. but it also has a way of reminding you what is really important- like lmsp and spending time together, and doing what you enjoy. it sounds cheesy to write, but i really think it's true. would you trade a night with mil and izzy on the futon watching "when harry met sally" for the 20th time for anything....?

moosk said...

nope -- that's pretty much my idea of heaven. as much as all this cancer stuff stinks, it's definitely given me some aprreciation for how good things are right now.