scar tissue

Adrift
Originally uploaded by champy1013.

so after five years, i'm still not sure how to make sense of what happened on 9/11. and i definitely don't know how it should be memorialized. it seems to sneak up on you when you least expect it as it did for cartoonsite. one minute you're on the phone with your boss talking about what needs to get done, and the next he says "it's a gloomy day." at first i thought he was talking about the weather... i honestly asked him, "is it raining out?" it took me a beat to remember the date. again this morning i was catching up on my BBC podcast from yesterday as i walked to my 8am interview, and suddenly they're playing sound clips from that morning five years ago. even last night, moments after drifting off to sleep, i awoke standing at the bedroom window screaming "what's happened? what's happened?" just because a firetruck blared its sirens as it sped past our open window. i was still shaking with fear as i returned to bed. i don't know how many times i've done that since 9/11, but i know i never did that before. little things change while the big stuff stays the same -- corrupt politicians, war in lebanon, poverty, torture... it's difficult when i really take the time to remember that day and that week... wondering if life will ever return to normal... if i'll ever feel safe again. in general, i'd rather not. that's why i've kept my distance from the movies and the news reports. i don't need bush or abc to remind me what it was like that day. unfortunately, i remember all too well.