that man is talking to a pole

last night as i was walking home, i saw a man talking animatedly to a pole. he was sitting on one of the stanchions in front of the time warner center just conversing with the lamppost as if that's something we all do on occasion. they're good listeners, i imagine. it's amazing after all these years that i still find the crazy new york folk fascinating. hey, better he talks to a lamppost than shouts obscenities at me which is their usual manifestation. i actually chuckled to myself because it reminded me of a book i read as a kid called, that man is talking to his toes. strangely enough, it was about a man who was walking around talking to his toes (which did not seem at all odd to me as a kid -- we talk to people, we talk to pets, why not toes?). it was one of my favorites, along with the wuggie norple story. i mean can you really say "wuggie norple" without cracking a smile? if you're not in hysterics by the time "freckleface chilibean" makes the scene, you must be made of stone.

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so monday afternoon, i came to the conclusion that i must be allergic to something i'm eating. i'm stuffy all the time, i sneeze constantly, and i feel woozy whenever i stand-up. after some serious internet research, i decided that sugar and complex carbs must be the culprit. well, i said to myself, that means i'll just have to cut down on my sugar and complex carbs. no biggie. i was able to quit sucking my thumb when i was four, i can do this now! anyway, long story short, last night i baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies. and tonight i've got plans to go to serendipity. man, this is going swimmingly!

--
well, i should get back to work, which means that i have to go outside to cash a check. usually i'm all set for a break from my own personal dungeon, but not today. heat index is 110. blech.

big-eyed bird

big-eyed bird
Originally uploaded by atb20.

well, i said i'd give you a photo, and i'm a woman of my word... now back to harry potter

ok, so i really didn't want to know...

turns out my steadily increasing counter was primarily a result of me logging on to check my counter several times a day... so sad, but, yes, i do like my new color scheme. thanks for asking!

i'll try to add some fun photos later, but then again, mil is done with HP6, and that means it's my turn! so, there's really no telling when you'll hear from me next...

in the meantime, ya'll should check out jon stewart's interview with rick santorum if you haven't already. that mr. stewart is has a lot to teach network anchors (ahem, that means you, bill o'reilly). he was a picture of diplomacy... i still salivated to see jon push rick a little further down that "so, you think we should legislate ideals?" track, but then again, i pretty much just salivate for jon stewart in general...

new template

do you like?
i noticed that many blogger blogs were going with the black motif, so i thought i'd update.

no eventful events as of yet today. my brother and sister-in-law are buying a house (or is one supposed to say "an house" -- what is the rule on that one?), and that makes me feel both old and unsuccessful at the same time. yay! i'm happy for them, of course, but my typical sibling "but i want one, too!" feelings come out at times like these. this is what i get for taking the academic route while my much more intelligent brother takes the financially-secure route. this, along with the events of saturday night have led me to a list of things that i would do if i had money. now, this is not a list of things that i would do if i had "a million dollars" or whatever, but a list of things that will be harbingers of success in moosk's eyes. let us begin:

1) i would get waxed -- regularly (meaning, not just before my wedding)
2) i would go out to dinner when i felt like it
3) i would shop at whole foods (and buy my yummy, expensive protein powder!)
4) i would take annual vacations alone with mil (read: not to weddings) to places that require air travel
5) i would treat family and friends to nice dinners on special occasions (so, this is good for you guys, too!)
6) i'd buy people gifts that i really want to give them (and, not just books)
7) i'd get mil a new ipod
8) i'd get manicures every once in a while just because i happen to want one (even though they last about 2 seconds on my impatient hands)
9) and that's about it. just 8 things i have to go without -- not too bad...

this episode contains themes of same-sex marriage. parental discretion is advised.

what the f*ck?!? this is how they introduce, not "the l word," not "queer as folk," but "the simpsons." i'm sorry but what child needs to be defended against the shameful concept of marriage. okay, so it's two women getting married, but back in the seventies, i don't remember them having a warning before "laverne and shirley." two single women living alone together -- scandalous! as depressing as it is to see a warning about "themes of same-sex marriage," i must compliment "the simpsons" for taking on politically-charged topics on a network who's idea of a debate has two right-wing evangelical pundits duking it out over whether alberto gonzales is conservative enough for the supreme court.

--

well, moosk is in shape now. mil and i took one lap around the park yesterday morning, and i can still feel the burn. sad, isn't it? one measly lap. i was good enough to remind him regularly that it was hot out. for example, when i first got outside, i made the astute realization that, gee, "it's hot out here." after rollerblading the one block to the park, i once again noticed that, hmm, "it's still hot." fortunately, i was not one to let such things as, say, hot weather escape my notice once we got into the park either. lucky mil.



we had a late night last night -- an expensive, late night at that. as mentioned before, mil and i have no capacity to say 'no' to a night out with bestman. so when we were emailed about a dinner at a fancy place on restaurant row, mil and i had little choice. we figured we could choose a couple of appetizers or one of the cheaper entrees to share in order to keep to our (very small, student) budget. once we sat down, one of bestman's pals decided that we had to order several appetizers "for the table" and he would not take "we don't want any" for an answer. we were similarly pickled (quite literally) when the three bottles of wine and round of limoncellos were ordered "for the table." what was so pathetic was that even as we broke our own budget for the weekend, we didn't quite cover our share of the tab. it was actually a lovely evening, but it sucks to continuously stress about how much you're spending. i can't wait until we move beyond these student years (all 6 to 10 of them) and are able to live like real adults. in the meantime, i'm going to have to get better at saying "no."

lorded by flies

there's a fly in my office, dear liza. it's been buzzing around my head. it's also been hitting the walls and ceiling making weird static-y noises. it keeps creeping me out because something that small shouldn't be that loud. okay, that's a huge friggin' fly. it just came and sat on my hand as if it were some sort of very small, very disgusting pet. that's so wrong. i just took a photo of it, so you can enjoy as well.


so, last night, my baby left me. he went off to a concert with bestman (who's in town again). i was doing alright on my lonesome, catching up on my big knitting project (finally finished, yay!) and messing around with some new ones. as i started to tidy up, i noticed my old journal from 1999-2000. it chronicled the search for my first apartment in nyc, the starting of a crappy assistant job that i did for much of the year, meeting of several lads that led nowhere, and ultimately the meeting of mil.

(sidenote: i just killed the fly. sad, but i had to do it or i might've become homicidal by evening. sorry, fly. rip.)

anyway, this old journal made me realize why my blog is so boring. nothing particularly dramatic happens when you're reasonably happy with your job and you've found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. i imagine things get more interesting perhaps once you have kiddos, but we're not there yet (as mentioned before). perhaps i'll resurrect some old entries to keep things more interesting around here. are you interested?

coffee addict

Barefoot Cappuccino
Originally uploaded by Bradley Allen.

i used to be able to decide whether or not i'd like to have coffee in the morning. it was up to me. no time... no big deal. no money on me... no worries. i'll have one tomorrow. i've now learned that it's not okay for me not to have coffee. (i know that's a double negative, mom, deal with it.) nevermind the slight headaches that wake me up in the morning, this is serious!

this morning, i was running late to work, nothing new there. i usually make my coffee first thing when i get into the office, but i had an errand to run, and i wanted to get it out of the way before lethargy set in. i went down to the mail room to send out some letters, and the guy who's usually there -- the one that can read my mind -- wasn't around. i had to think. i had to explain what i wanted to this new guy in complete sentences. my brain wasn't prepared for complete sentences. eventually the other guy who i usually talk to came by to help. phew. the only problem was that he wanted to be friendly and say things like "how are you?" and i respond with nonsense like "yes, and you?" didn't my blank stare indicate clearly enough that my brain hadn't kicked into gear yet? you can't expect coherent conversations from someone at 10:30am! when she hasn't had her coffee!

anyway, i'm not going to do anything about this addiction. i like coffee too much, and so far it hasn't hurt my relationship, right mil? and i've still got my job... so it isn't that bad. just give me my morning coffee and no one gets hurt.

first flickr post

mil looking pensive
Originally uploaded by atb20.

i'm making an attempt to post through flickr which would reduce the number of steps i have to use to blog w/ pics. then again, blogger is now allowing direct photo links which is pretty easy, too. i guess i'll figure it out as i go...

i picked this one because mil just looks so damn cute in it. he was making fun of a photo that was used by some "actor" in a high school theatre program. funny. i should make it my desktop...

so, i've realized that i don't really like to be bored at work. i would much prefer to have tons of stuff to do, so that my day flies by before i even notice it. i find that i'm even more tired and lazy after a slow day of work than after a busy one. strange, eh?

so, not to much on the blogs today. mil hasn't updated since last friday, and i'm officially tired of reading about "guidos" on clublife, and the female lawyer thing is also seeming a bit self-indulgent lately. both are decent writers (far better than me, for sure), but i guess like most blogs, they get repetitive after a while. the only blog -- excepting friends, partners, etc. -- i haven't grown tired of so far is dooce.com. she's got a knack for the platform. i guess after four years you start to get it down. sad that i've been reading so many blogs that i'm turning into a critic. i would love to check out others, so if you have any recommendations, please feel free to drop them in the comments section. then again, would you be here if you had anything better to read?

also, i'm making a formal request to all friends who check-out my blog to start your own. give me something to read on these slow summer days... please!

it's bring-your-bird-to-work day!

yes, miss iz is here with me. keeping me company, distracting me from work. she's very good at that.


you'll be happy to hear that after watching my secret addiction, "nanny 911," last night, i am temporarily over my 28-year itch. you have to admit though, those alas photos were pretty d*mn cute.

have you noticed that i can't type d*mn without the asterisk? strange for an agnostic, right? it's the little evangelical christian in me. when i was about 7 or 8 a friend of mine told me that i would go to hell after i said "oh my god" once. i was scared stiff after that. i went home and asked my mom if i would really go to hell just for saying "oh my god," and she wasn't sure, but she said that she was sent to the principle's office for saying "gwarshdingit" when she was a kid, so you never really know. perhaps that's the source of my secret fear of typing out the word d*mn. i'm also afraid that the newest version of the partriot act will have me sent to jail if i type out the "a" in d*mn, so i'm getting into practice.

i've been a bit post-happy lately, haven't i? i don't know what's gotten into me. maybe it's the fact that i don't have much to do this week as i await word from my boss that we'll start this big mri scanning study someday very soon. i'm sure you'll hear more from me in the not too distant future.

but this'll cost you about $12 mil.

fortunately, i got in long enough to take pictures for free.

you can see this for free

is this worth a $325 bottle of greygoose?

wantingness continued

today i've found that i'm really itching to procreate. now, in general, i knew this. i'd been feeling the baby-wanting-itch since a week after the honeymoon. i know my mom loves the occaisional mention of mil and i creating grandkids at some point in the future, and at times, i've been known to appease her. but today, the itchiness is quite profound. it's funny because just last night i was thinking how good it would be to wait not just the two years until i get a job and mil has a whole summer off to be baby-daddy, but to wait another six years until mil is a resident and brings home a paycheck again. i was thinking how nice it would be for our kids to grow up with the quality of life reminiscent of the manhattan family in the namesake -- btw, i've told mil he needs to read this portion of the book if only to get a sense of what i aspire my life to be (beatnikky, erudite, openly-groping couple in huge, historic brownstone in chelsea with quaint, cozy lakehouse in new hampshire... a girl can dream). it makes sense -- a lot of people have children after 35. this was all well and good until i read the latest post from dr. au this morning. the tickle began...

then i talked to my friend, showgirl (different from shopgirl), who is planning the conception of her second child. she was going into all of the conception planning craziness (basal thermometers, expensive ovulation kits, counting days, etc.) over the phone. informing that by the time i arrive in las vegas in august, she should know. though i wasn't envious of the process, i was envious of the ability to not only want a baby, but be in a place in life where it is realistic to try. the itch was now recognizeable...

the final straw was this post on alas. i mean it doesn't get much cuter than that. i want a baby to draw with me... so, anyway, we are back to the original plan (i say "we" but mil was unaware that there was even a detour -- until now) which is to be a really poor, really busy, but super happy family of three (or four, if you are like me, and count miss iz) sometime in the next couple of years.

i survived

so this weekend was the famed shower/bachelorette party. ok, "famed" only because i mentioned it before... all i can say is that i survived. these things wear me out. i got up at 8am saturday morning to get ready to meet my mom and a couple of the other bridesmaids for the trek up to ct. i knew it was going to be an interesting day when one of the bridesmaids called me up at 8:45 saying that she's still looking for a parking space (we weren't supposed to meet until 9:30). turned out it was a wise warning because she didn't find a spot until 9:20, and it was on the other side of the city. she had to take a cab to meet us... (this is why i don't own a car.) anyway, the shower went pretty smoothly. i injured myself putting together the rehearsal bouquet (for those unfamiliar with this tradition, this is when one of the lucky bridesmaids takes all of the bows and flowers from the shower gifts and puts them together on a plate to make a fake bouquet for the wedding rehearsal -- fun, right!?!). the only other problem was that the shower theme was pretty lame: rock around the clock. which meant that you had to bring a gift that fits into a certain time of the day. mine was 12-5pm. hmm... mil and i thought it would be fun to get a little pink bowling-bag style purse and fill it with a little shopping journal/silly wallet/keychain, etc. all with a funky vintage pink theme. since the bride loves to shop, it seemed like a logical 12-5 gift. well, everyone else got fancy registry gifts that had nothing to do with the retarded rock-around-the-clock theme. this is all well-and-good, but it made my silly pink bowling bag look like a lame, cheapo gift. this experience made the whole opening-up-gifts-in-front-of-people-to-show-off-how-much-was-spent seem even more disgusting and shallow than i initially thought. yuck. fortunately, my mom was there as well and showed everyone else up by getting this beautiful antique handkerchief with shopgirl's initial on it and a shadowbox with her wedding invitation beautifully displayed. so there, all you materialistic snobs. (ok, that makes me no better than them, but i love having a mom with such great taste. it gives me something to aspire to... when i have money, that is.)

after the adult-y shower, we were pampered by shopgirl's awesome mom who set up a mini-spa in her home complete with take-home spa kits and a massage. this helped us gear-up for the long night ahead. we shuttled down to the west village in style thanks to the limo shopgirl's mom ordered for us. we checked-in to the swanky hotel we booked for the occasion and met shopgirl's other friends at the (very crowded, very post-hip) bar on the roof. i was quickly reminded of why i don't frequent such establishments when the bill came, and we found our bottle of greygoose to be $325 ($40 at a local liquor store). fortunately, there were 11 of us, so the individual damage wasn't too bad. we went on to a little bar in the east village with a cabaret license. despite being on "the list" it took us about 10 minutes to get in (9.5 minutes longer than most of us were willing to wait). it was almost worth the pain when one of the bridesmaids (who shall remain nameless) proved just how ripped she was by shaking her tail in front of just about everything that moved. it was actually hysterical from my somewhat sober perspective. it was less hysterical when we went on to the karaoke place and she proceeded to scream "papa don't preach" along with shopgirl. i felt so sorry for the innocent bystanders who didn't know what they were getting into when they paid the $3 cover. here's a suitably anonymous pic of the two. i will spare you the shot of yours truly belting "rio" with another bridesmaid.

anyway, point is, i made it. it's monday morning, and i'm still a bit sleepy and cranky, but that's what i get for signing up for the bridesmaid gig. for those of you who haven't had the experience, be sure to think through all of the ramifications when you say "yes" to being a bridesmaid -- bridesmaid dress, shoes, shower, and, most importantly, bachelorette party. they come as a package deal.

finally, a question: do eight and a half souvenirs still exist? i have one of their songs stuck in my head thanks to a post on dooce.com...

politics as usual

as you may have noticed, though i generally use this forum for personal stories and musings, i occasionally reveal my rather left-wing political opinions. this post will continue in that vein.

last night after finishing our netflix fare for the evening (motorcycle diaries), mil flipped over to pbs (i think it was pbs anyway). there was a program discussing global warming. apparently only 60% of americans think that global warming exists. 60%?!?! now the program cast this as a relatively large number, but i think it's pretty pathetic given that 100% of biologists think (one might say "know" in this case) global warming exists. what's even more frightening is that only 40% of americans think that global warming is an urgent problem. wait... you're telling me that it's not a problem that the temperature of the earth increases a few degrees every year? that species are going extinct because of our waste? that the earth that our children and our children's children experience may not be hospitable to human life is not important???

let me posit a theory as to why such a ridiculously large number of americans think that global warming is not a problem -- and may not even exist: the bush administration has told them it doesn't exist and it's not a problem. take for instance this article from bloomberg columnist, margaret carlson. or rush limbaugh's diatribe in 2002: "i don't believe there is any conclusive evidence of global warming, and i certainly don't believe that it can be attributed to human activity – and particularly not by activity by the united states. that is the political agenda behind the global warming scare. It is an anti-west, anti-U.S., anti-free enterprise movement." (i recognize that rush ain't in the administration, but he's been the voice of the bush "base" since his first presidential campaign) he also seems to be echoing bush's statement in the 2000 debates that scientists are unsure about global warming. i'm not sure what scientist he went to who wasn't sure about global warming. perhaps he went to a scientologist instead of a scientist -- similar in bush-speak. or perhaps he consulted the un-erring senator frist. i don't think any scientist who actually studies the enviroment has referred to a global warming "debate."

what i think is most paradoxical is that many evangelical republicans refer to theirs as a "culture of life." i'm sorry, but trying to save a woman who's been in a coma for 15 years and embryos and fetuses who are not independently viable means nothing when the planet we call home will be toast (literally) in a matter of a few generations. this kind of mentality is so vile and self-serving to me i can't even comprehend it. for those who don't know because they haven't been told (read: the fox news audience), i feel pity, but it's time to educate these people and move on to embracing international strategies (such as the kyoto treaty) that will minimize the negative impact of human waste. for those that do know -- and here i refer to the bush administration and the fox news producers -- and refuse to act, i have nothing but contempt. i am thoroughly impressed with those evangelicals who've recognized global warming as a christian issue. it is. it is a human issue, a moral issue, and a personal issue. i just wish that we could shuttle off those doubters and nay-sayers to another (warmer) planet, so those of us who give a d*mn can start working toward a better future for our decendants.

phew... sorry for the long post. i just had this bottled-up since last night. another interesting political read is krugman's column in the times today about rove and the new american politics. i think krugman is onto something here, but he has a tendency to overstate the issue which takes something away from a very serious message. i'd be eager for a political discussion here, but it seems that most visitors prefer to remain silent.

anyway, those are my thoughts for today. next time, i'm sure it will be a lighter topic.

i should be knitting

sometime monday evening, i decided that i needed to knit a baby hat for my pregnant supervisor (let's call her pregnant-hippy-chick -- because that just rolls off the keyboard). i don't particularly like my supervisor, and i don't plan to see her ever again after today, so i'm not sure exactly why sprouted this decision, but nevertheless, i sidelined my endless afghan (which was supposed to be done by last weekend as a gift for my parents) and found what remains of my soft, cotton baby yarn.



i was going to finish this small project last night when i got an email from a drinking buddy announcing that one of our good friends (and mil's best man) is in town from baton rouge and up for a reunion at the new o'lunneys. knowing that i (and especially mil) wouldn't be able to pass up the opportunity to hang with bestman, i figured i'd furiously clack needles at every possibly opportunity today, given that i'll be seeing pregnant-hippy-chick for the last time in approximately 2 hours. anyway, here i am typing...

so, apparently, three is about two too many drinks for ole moosk. i don't know how i'm going to fare at this bachelorette party. i "woke-up" this morning with a pounding headache. i didn't actually start perceiving the world around my until after my first cup of coffee. apparently, you are supposed to take advil right before you go to bed when you've had more than one mixed beverage, but mil decided not to tell me this until this morning after hearing me complain for about an hour. fun. i'm getting better though. the coffee helped.

i'm usually one of those people who slowly sips one glass of wine throughout dinner. even my parents think there's something wrong with me. i think my brother just took all of the drinking genes when he joined that fraternity in tennessee. at one point (only a drink and a half into the evening), my friend, crimson, came to meet us, and i had totally forgotten that i'd invited her only an hour and a half earlier. that's how bad it was. and i kept drinking... and here i am... at work. blech.

turning into my mother

that's it. the process is nearing completion. i now not only cringe when people use "i" as an object (e.g., "send that to mil and i when you get it in."), but i check for typos and misspellings when i read other people's blogs. this would be all well and good if my blog were grammatical perfection, but perfection it is not. it is also bad when i repeatedly do this -- out loud -- every time i read mil's blog. he's going to start hiding his blog from me. he's already taken to speaking spanish half of the time which moosk no comprende.

anyway, i apologize for the sappy post yesterday, but i gotta give "mad props" to my man who not only puts up with me, but makes me think he's having a good time doing it.

first anniversary

well, it's been a few days... mil and i took off for a long weekend to newport for our first anniversary. hope you didn't miss me too much.



to belatedly honor my honey, i am offering 10 things i love about mil (for the faint of heart -- or those who just don't feel the need to know, you can skip to the end of this post):

10) he's got a cute tush

9) he likes to fold laundry

8) he makes dinner for me when i'm tired and hungry

7) he puts up with my bird (who thinks he's competition)

6) he acts goofy to make me laugh when i'm in a bad mood

5) he calls when he is coming home late

4) he's got a full head of luscious brown hair

3) he lets me paint our windows

2) he's learning how to play golf just to please my dad (apparently, he also "likes" it if there is such a thing)

1) he gives a d*mn good hug

i could go on and on, but i imagine 10 is plenty for those of you who aren't mil.

the highlight of the trip to newport was staying at this cute bnb.


when we got there we were greeted by small coterie of historical actors -- george washington, general lafayette, and general rochambeau. i briefly thought the melville house had a welcoming committee, but apparently july 8th was the 225th anniversary of rochambeau's landing in newport. hmm... and therefore a historical reenactment was necessary. this is what we caught:


we also got to drive this cute little convertable. i apologize to those of you on rte 95 this weekend. it was dangerous out there with moosk on the loose! it's truly amazing that car rental companies will even rent to me -- but they do! heehee!


anyway, it's dinnertime. more to come...

today and history

i went about my usual morning routine -- dilly-dallying as usual. when it finally got down to the wire and i had to leave, i flipped on the radio for izzy. as i walked over to get my stuff, i heard a woman in england talking about something that happened on the subway (or "tube") in london. "smoke" "explosion" i wasn't sure what it was about,so i flipped on the net and checked the times. apparently, there were a series of blasts in london on various subways and buses.

this experience brought to mind a morning in september 2001 when i was doing about the same thing... slowly making my way through my morning routine when mil flipped from cartoons to regis and kelly. instead of the usual inane banter, the news was on, and there was a picture of some building with smoke billowing out of it. i remarked, "that kinda looks like the trade center." given that we'd just moved into an apartment with a beautiful downtown view that included the WTC, i figured i'd take a look to check. sure enough one of the towers was emitting a huge plume of smoke. i said to mil, "i hope that's not the tower that my dad's friend works in because that could definitely be his floor." (i had interviewed a couple of weeks back with one of my dad's friends who was looking for someone to sell retail space on the concourse and i was seeking a way out of my theatre job. i was pretty sure he worked on the 86th floor.)

i sat down to hear more about what had happened. sounded like some cessna had accidentally flown into the building (odd). just as i sat down though, mil yelled out. i jumped up just as a massive explosion ripped through the second tower. even sixty blocks away it was huge. that moment on was a blur of grabbing izzy, waking up my brother (who lived a few floors above us), and finding my parents. i was convinced that more planes would start falling out of the sky and aiming for any tall building in sight. i went from normal morning to most frightening day of my life in a matter of minutes. i think that was the most scary thing of all. in real life there's no foreshadowing or musical build-up -- sh*t just happens.

anyway, i know it's not a happy topic, and mine was far from the worst experience that day. i was just reminded of the randomness of it all. when i think of it, i realize why new yorkers were almost all whole-heartedly against the war. we all understood and knew what it felt like to be an innocent bystander. we knew what it was like not knowing where the next explosion would come from or who it would hit. we knew what it was like to search for friends and relatives, not knowing whether they'd survived.

terrorists don't have a monopoly on terror.

anger management

sometime the commute home just takes the last bit of patience out of me. today wasn't unlike any other. i went to work. i had a nice little conference call with my boss in france. ate some lunch. ferried myself up to washington heights just in time to watch my bx3 close its doors and drive off. fifteen minutes and many beads of sweat later, the next bx 3 arrived. in da bronx, we spent two hours helping a couple of families complete measures, learning -- after paying them and sending them on their way -- that both families had pulled one over on us because they had done the measures before. yay. time and money well spent. i was still okay. i was tired, but i just wanted to go home, and home was where i was going.

it's the way home that gets me. the people who step right between you and the door as the train pulls up. the train that takes forever just to leave the station. the knitting project that just doesn't last the whole way home, so you're forced to stare into space just to not make eye contact with fellow passengers. the straw that broke the camel's back, though, was the guy who stopped right in front of the revolving gate as i was coming through, causing the gate to hit his foot. i said "ow, are you okay?" he looked back at me with a grimace and walked on. i really just wanted to sock the guy in the face. i actually wished that i'd been carrying an umbrella or some other large object, so i could give him a nice whack in the back of the head. i at least wished that i had the poor manners to say something like, "yeah, f-ck you, too!" unfortunately (or fortunately), i don't and i didn't. so, here i am. mellowing out with mil and a little er.

anyway, here's a little belated fourth of july spirit. hope you all enjoyed yours...

i'm bored

i'm so bored that i have nothing to say...
...so i shall read instead.

feigning work

the friday before a long weekend is pretty much a joke. especially when your boss is in france... i am tempted to just head home and play more sims. i can always check email and pretend that i'm in the office. i'll be getting just as much work done as i am here. but then again, i never know if my boss is going to make an emergency call from paris at 5pm wondering where the hell i am. if i leave, he's likely to call. if i stay, i won't hear from him again until monday morning (because, of course, being in europe, he'll forget that it's a holiday here in the states.) such a dilemma...

so, i was welcomed to work this morning with the disheartening news that justice o'connor is quitting the bench (and i am reminded of it everytime i open my web browser). now, it's not that i agree with all of the decisions made by justice o'connor, but at least she was a voice of moderation in government of increasingly extreme points of view. i shudder to think of what bush considers a nominee "who will faithfully interpret the constitution and laws of our country." i think it is likely to be a moderate who will use her/his time on the bench to support the rights of free speech, freedom of religion, and, of course, the right to be secure in our persons. it definitely wouldn't be someone who would use the power of the highest court in the country to push her/his own political agenda. i'm grateful that our president will look past his own political agenda to ensure that the next nominee -- unlike the others he's nominated to judicial posts -- will be an advocate for all people regardless of their race, ethnicity, sex, or religion, because, as we know, our president is a man of his word. of course, we have to allow him a lie or two every now and again...

"evidence from intelligence sources, secret communications and statements by people now in custody reveal that saddam hussein aids and protects terrorists, including members of al qaida." (state of the union address – 1/28/2003)

“u.s. intelligence indicates that saddam hussein had upwards of 30,000 munitions capable of delivering chemical agents.” (state of the union address – 1/28/2003)

"under the no child left behind act . . . we're closing the achievement gap for minority students." (state of the union address - 2/2/2005)

"nearly four years ago, I submitted a comprehensive energy strategy that encourages conservation, alternative sources, a modernized electricity grid, and more production here at home, including safe, clean nuclear energy." (state of the union address - 2/2/2005)

"by the year 2042, the entire [social security] system would be exhausted and bankrupt." (state of the union address - 2/2/2005)

"some of our servicemen and women have survived terrible injuries, and this grateful nation will do everything we can to help them recover." (state of the union address - 2/2/2005)

alright. you guys get the picture. i actually wish it weren't so easy. here's another blog of interest -- liberal troops responding to rove's full frontal attack on their beliefs. oh, and if you want a laugh check out this site.

btw, i wish i could stop getting these emails from kerry. back when he was the only alternative to the burning bush, i had some support for the guy (so much so, that i sent the guy $20 that he didn't spend). i just don't understand why he won't just disappear now and make room for a politician with some cajones.

okay, enough of my half-hearted political rant. i'm tired, and i want to be playing sims... wish me luck!


mil the ping-pong star.

is it friday yet?

this week seems like it is going by sooo slooowly.... i think it had a lot to do with that night of three hour sleep and the following night of trying to make-up a reasonable-sounding 20-minute presentation on divorce and the proper family treatment for divorcing families. there's actually plenty of research on the former, but not so much on the latter, so i just plugged my hope-to-be future profession -- therapeutic mediation. even with all the hot air i threw into it, i was actually the only person in the class to finish the 20-minute presentation in 20 minutes. i'm not sure what that means... other than perhaps that i talk really fast when i'm nervous.

last night i thought i was only going to have energy to come home and flop on the couch, but mil guilted me into doing laundry and then a couple of friends, crimson and the archivist, encouraged me to meet them to go dancing. (i really couldn't say 'no' given that they were going to a place aproximately three blocks from my apt.) it was actually quite fun despite my fatigue. i'd never been to a dance where guys would just come up and ask you -- just for the fun of dancing. (I actually didn't even know that guys could go dancing of their own accord.) they even asked old married broads like myself. mil didn't join us because he got stuck with the task of folding laundry and cooking dinner. (and, yes, i do have the best husband in the world). i think he was a tad jealous when i showed him photos of another guy twirling me around. perhaps next time he'll let the laundry get wrinkly and come join us anyway.

in other news, can i tell you how poorly suited i am to be a bridesmaid? seriously, i go to bed at 11pm -- even on weekends. in college a late night for me was 12:30. i don't know where the hot spots are in town, and one martini is enough to make me drunk for about twenty minutes and then want to crawl into bed. i'm really hoping that the spirit of studio 54 somehow joins me next month when i have to be perky through several hours of late-night, pre-bridal excitement.

i will leave you today with this -- a very pretty pic of one of my mom's very pretty flowers.

mmmmonday

in school, i used to think monday hurt. but i think it hurts more now that i'm an adult. i didn't sleep at all last night. i very nearly posted at 3:30am this morning. (can i tell you how hard it is to type when you've netted 3 hours of sleep??) and as those of you who know me, 3:30am doesn't usually exist for moosk. 3:30am is frequently catagorized along with mythical creatures and zombies -- it may exist, but i have yet to see it. i wasn't even pulling an "all-nighter" which i have also never done because my body and brain just give out on me around 12:30am, like it or not. no, last night i went to bed around 11:30, and woke up around 1:30am as if it were 9am. there was no drifting back and forth between dreamworld and reality. i was awake, and i was thinking. now thinking is not good for me because once i start, i can't stop. it starts small: do i have to go to the bathroom? but that will involve waking up... but i think i have to go... but the air conditioning is too cold... i'll wait. it gets more intense from there: oh, crap, i forgot to ask about camps in my group last week and tomorrow i'm meeting with the mom who asked me. i wonder what i should tell her... i could say i forgot, but that would make it seem like i don't really care that her kid won't go to camp. do i really care? i guess it's better to lie. maybe she's already gotten a camp. d*mn that afternoon cup of coffee! after about an hour in this delusional state i start to worry about bigger things: am i pregnant? (as you know from my previous post, this is an ongoing fear for me.) maybe that's why my stomach's all gurgly. maybe that's why i can't sleep. how will i tell my folks? would i have to quit school? is that a bad thing? oh, crap, i've got to pee! it was at this point that i figured it best to turn my attention to my presentation due tuesday and didn't stop working on it until my brain ceased to function.

yeah, it's not pretty. i survived though. the sad part is that this lack of sleep will make it even more difficult for me to get my presentation done tonight. i want to sleep now, and it's only 11am. argh, %^&$in' monday!

anyway, sorry for the barely decipherable post. i will do my best to return to you in better spirits. at least i have my hot n' spicy cheez-its to look forward to...

brick, part 2

i don't know what to say today other than that times square is a foul and disgusting sorta place. i can't believe that people choose to go there when there are places like central park and the met. if you want theatre, there's better theatre off-broadway (and -- shh -- less expensive). if you want lights, there are better lights in las vegas (but then again, some might say that the strip is even more of a hell hole). if you want hookers, they've moved downtown, and if you want peep shows, well, then you're in the right place.

anyway, i had a brief invasion of brick today. he's supposedly off at another university doing research there, but he has been spotted with suprising frequency in our neck of the woods. this afternoon as i was beginning to plan my escape, my only colleague, duck tape, mentioned that he very nearly got cornered by brick in the hallway. i asked if i should avoid leaving the lab for a while in order to prevent an unfortunate run-in. he said that i had nothing to fear, so i decided to chance a trip to the bathroom. as i walked the fifty feet to the ladies' facilities, i felt especially jumpy -- seeing his devilish grin popping out of doorways, but i made it there and back without incident. unfortunately, just as i my nerves were recovering from the trip and i felt that i had enough good fortune to make it the 200 feet to the building exit, i heard the telltale grinding of the lab doorbell. (if i had skipped the trip to the restroom, i could have been gone by now!) i knew it was him. there was no place i could hide. i was panic-stricken because by now the frightening image of that grin had grown all out of proportion in my overactive imagination. not knowing what else to do, i went to the door. i thought, at least i have duck tape to deflect some of the mindless (and i mean truly mindless) repartee, and i have an excuse! i'm just leaving! woo-hoo! i'm home free. so i open the door. the momentary triumph is quickly replaced by the reality of him standing there, and me having to talk to him. "um... hi, brick!" (trying to hide the pain i feel inside) "oh, actually, i'm just about to leave..." (said with feined disappointment) "...it's great to see you though..." "...oh, you'd like to walk with me...fantastic!" (duck tape! duck tape! where the hell are you?!?!) once i realized i had no other choice than to enjoy his companionship for the walk to the subway, i decided that i had to move as quickly as possible. my usual twenty minutes of checking through notes and reading the news one last time before i leave was cut out, and i bolted out that door as fast as my little chinese slippers would carry me. the chat was about as pleasant as expected. turns out he's proposing to his girlfriend of three months and things are wonderful! (the grin actually got more frightening as he recounted how wonderful things have been for the last three months -- hell, izzy was wonderful for the first three months.) anyway, given his religious background, my guess is that brick will be procreating soon, so tell your young'uns to beware.


she's watching you...

a day with the green monster

and, no, mil -- not that green monster. saturday some kind friends humored me and my inability to say good-bye to my childhood. we went to rye playland. a little old amusement park in westchester. we had a grand, ole time and found a new friend along the way. he didn't mind me posting his photo on the blog.



that one is my favorite shot, but of course, i'm not one to stop and just one picture...



this was mil's favorite ride:



and i managed to get my wish -- a canon sd400. unfortunately, due to reasons mentioned in the previous post, i was not allowed to bring it to the amusement park, so i am adding a little photo to show off my new baby's colors. enjoy!

ow.

i just scratched my face with a binder. yes, you heard correctly. sad, isn't it? this is my level of coordination. this is why mil won't let me use sharp objects or eat/drink while using my computer.

anyway, once again i have gone mia for a few days. this seems to be my trend. in psychobabble, one might say that it is intermittent reinforcement -- which makes it even more desireable... or one might not.

when i get home, you will get to see the wonders of my birthday weekend. oh, and it was wonderful. those of you who were there will get to reminisce. those of you who weren't will learn envy. ...or not.

i think i'm very noncommittal today. i miss my little red squiggly lines that tell me when i am spelling something inccorectly.

i learned that the second year resident/almost mommy is 1 year younger than me...almost to the day. that makes me a little bit sad. like i should be doing more with my life. don't worry, i'll get over it. and you will, too.

in other news, mil has put in his pitch for why doctors are so much more ideal boyfriends/husbands than IT guys. it's something to the effect that some doctors only have to work 2 days a week and be on call for a third. well, at least one doctor he knows has these wonderful hours (a cardiology resident, no less). plus they have better stories to tell at the end of the day (how many times can you hear a story that ends -- "so, turns out the guy didn't have his computer turned on!"?). so, there you go, surprisingly doctors make good bedfellows. (mil, honey, i think you were preaching to the choir.)

well, that's all for now. will try to get weekend photos up later...

pre-med students and the people who love them

clearly i was overly eager to get back to watching the last eposode of six feet under (season 3) last night. i apologize for not providing adequate support for my assertion that IT guys are the way to go for you single gals out there. our reasoning (disregarding the fact that the individual who suggested it -- who shall remain nameless -- might still have lingering feelings for an ex who's recently resurfaced and just happens to be an IT guy) is that IT guys make a decent living, have pretty normal business hours, and they can fix your computer to boot. to be fair, I think an IT gal would be equally groovy, but most guys are intimidated by chicks with more techno-chops than they. now you may counter,"hey moosk, aren't most IT guys cursed with the social skills of 13-year old boys?" to that i say, "perhaps, but are social skills really all they're cracked up to be?" seriously, (as i cave more deeply into stereotype) you don't really have to worry about the IT guy having to sleep his way up to VP or needing to recount his sexual conquests in the boardroom. this is good. some of you might think that academics have similar advantages, but clearly those of you who'd think that have not worked in academia. the number of professors who sleep with their grad students is astounding (it's definitely more than 50% in my particular department).

as mil read last night's post over my shoulder, i think he felt a bit miffed that i would pick a profession other than his. perhaps he worried that i might one day run-off with the IT guy from our department. fortunately, our IT guy is way surly and a tad malodorous, so our marriage is safe. no, the IT guy thing is more hypothetical than practical. that said, if you happen to be dating an IT guy and would like to weigh in on this conversation, i'd be more than happy to hear from you. i'd also be happy to hear from guys/gals who'd like to weigh in on ideal professions of girlfriends/wives.

here, i'll get the ball rolling: well, i wouldn't want to date a social work student because she'll never make good money...

if you could choose...

tonight some friends and i were talking about what would be the best job for a boyfriends/husband to have. we all agreed that med student (mil) and lawyer (metsfan/cat's husband) were not top picks -- sorry fellas. in fact, even a doctor is not wholly desireable due to the crappy hours. musicians of any kind were nixed -- successful musicians are away too much, and unsuccessful musicians have overdeveloped egos. actors are too self-absorbed (and generally have no reliable income). bartenders are out too late and have too many women hitting on them. stockbrokers, traders, i-bankers are all too immature and alcoholic (or worse, drug addicted) to make good partners. the only profession we could all agree on was IT guys -- specifically the few IT guys who have enough social skills to meet ladies like us in the first place.

who knew, right? well, there you have it. i'm going to bed. wee...

impending birthday

next week i will be 28. i'm not sure what this means. i think it means that i will officially by in my upper 20s -- precariously close to the big 30. mil has already made the march into the 30s and seems to be proof positive that 30 can be a good thing. actually every over-30 person i know says that the 30s are better than the 20s any day of the week. sometimes i actually feel like all of these annual celebrations are a little lame... i just feel like rounding up at this point.

in other news, i still don't have a puppy. doesn't look like one will be joining the family anytime soon. i guess i'll just have to enjoy photos like these for a few more years.


my b-day request for this year is a new digital camera. after admiring everyone else's on the net (and realizing that i can't request the camera i really want because it is several times the gift budget), i realized that smaller might be better. anyone have any camera recommendations? i'm thinking the nikon coolpix s1 or the canon powershot sd400...
lemme know...

slleeeeppppyyyy

so tired, but i missed my blog, so i thought i'd say 'hi.'

today's topic: what i miss about cable --

saturday morning cartoons
the cosby show
rosanne
law & order (24 hours a day)
sunday morning cartoons
bbc-a
saturday afternoon cartoons
the daily show
sunday afternoon cartoons
i really miss cartoons...

ok. that's all. i can't keep my eyes open..........

festing

today i have the honor of attending my boss's festschrift. a festschrift (or "fest" as the "in" crowd calls it) is a celebration of a person's life work academic-style (read: lots of powerpoint and comparisons to freud). so far this "honor" has involved staying up late friday night detatching and folding seating cards with mil, waking up damn early on a saturday (7:15am to be exact), quickly detatching and handing out name tags that were NOT in alphabetical order (why no one thought of doing this before the fest, i do not know...) -- oh, and did i mention that the place where we are having the fest is not air-conditioned?? in 90 degree weather with 150 steaming bodies???, finding out why there is no a/c (to no avail), trying to make a non-working microphone work (makes sense, right?), finding someone who has a key to a storage room that apparently has chairs in it, and most recently, finding a cup of coffee for a speaker (who works at this university and knows damn well where he can find a cup of coffee -- note: he waits until after the lunch hour so he can ask just before my good friend goes on for her talk; note 2: i am not a waitress; note 3:it's 90 degrees out!). later today i get to look forward to setting up the computer and seating cards at the dinner (because why have a dinner without powerpoint?). final note: this event does not end until at least 9:30pm -- that's 13+ hours of powerpoint and freud comparisons. no one is going to want to talk to me tomorrow...

the upshot of all of this is that while i am here festing, mil has been home doing laundry. yay, mil!

btw, dooce now has competition for my favorite blog. this one's got a good camera, adorable dogs, and he lives in france... almost too much to envy...

addendum

i found a funny, new comic this morning... no calvin & hobbes, but it made me chuckle.

also, what's up with "supernanny" on abc??? apparently, "nanny 911" wasn't enough nanny-action for the network-viewing audience. can no one come up with a new idea? this is ridiculous...

now really... good night... (or "buenos noches," as mil would say)

i now leave you to your moosey fate

i love zim. if you haven't ever seen invader zim, you've been missing out. in the episode i'm currently watching, zim sends his arch enemy dib into a wormhole that will leave him in... not a dimension of pure itching... not a dimension of pure dookie... but A ROOM WITH A MOOSE! scary, eh? yeah... it's funny... seriously.

so, sorry it's been a while. i'm feeling uninspired lately -- hence me here at home trying to do my genogram assignment in front of zim.

by any chance, were you curious about canadia? it was actually quite funny. on our flight to ottawa we had this great pre-op transexual flight attendent. now i like to think of myself as a pretty open-minded, seen-it-all kind of city chick, but i was a little bit (pleasantly) surprised that continental was open to such atypical flight attendents. now as i was trying to make sure that i responded in nothing but the hippest, most innocuous manner, the flight attendent in question proceeded to welcome us to "canadia." i thought this was pretty funny, so i released a little bit of not-quite-stifled chuckle. that's it. it was funnier in person, i'm sure.

anyway, this was my first non-western wedding, and i am now hooked. so nice to see something other than your usual white, organza nonsense (i'm guilty as much as the next gal.) here's a little peek at how amazing the bride was.


this was just party #3. the first night, they do this pretty laid back evening of food, singing, and mendhi (doodling on hands with henna). the second night is the really formal ceremony where the gals sit on one side of the room and the guys sit on the other. i tried to take a picture of mil, but all i got was a picture of the lace curtain that separated us. it was actually really wild to see my very goofy, westernized friend (aka "the groom") acting so formal and...well...religious. i just don't think of him that way. most of my friends are either semi-retired jews (meaning that they've given up on finding a "nice jewish girl/boy" -- notice it's never about "finding a nice jewish woman/man") or retired christians, so seeing a friend who actually practices a religion is something new for me. the third night is the big party where we ate heartily and danced even more heartily. the highlight was an indian version of "pretty woman." you haven't lived until you've grooved to the indian "pretty woman." that highlight was almost matched by the sight of my semi-retired jewish friend, feldogg, mc-ing the party and introducing himself to a room full of muslim folks by saying,"so dr. j (also muslim), mentioned to me a few months ago that he was looking for a young jewish guy to mc his son's wedding..." the room broke into hysterics. maybe feldogg can make plans to visit the west bank one of these days -- he might make more progress on the peace process than sharon... doubtless he could do better than bush. anyway, if you thought three parties was enough for any wedding, this crew proved that four is a charm -- even when there isn't alcohol (and remember, this is canada). it was an amazing wedding, and i have the marks to prove it.

notice izzy trying to avoid stepping on it... very cute.

anyway, i'm sure by now you've had your fill of moosk ramblings, so i will wish you bon nuit.

jaunt to canadia

to all my loyal readers (two of the three are here with me), i apologize for the lapse. mil and i have journeyed to ottawa for a wedding this weekend, and since it is a pakistani wedding, it is not a one-day affair. we came in for the mendhi on thursday afternoon, stayed for the nikah (not spelling that right) last night, and have a party tonight. i never knew home much fun it would be to doodle squiggles on my hand with a dye that does not come off for weeks. i have a hard enough time looking at my doodles in class, let alone for days at a time -- on my body. yay!

i will tell you the story of "canadia" when i am back, but just thought i'd apologize for the lack of blog-action in the meantime.

wantingness

- (n.) a state of constantly wanting stuff

i live in this state. despite the fact that i am supremely fortunate in all of the most important ways (love, health, education, some income), i seem to always want something more. mil often remarks how often i say "ooh, i want _____." (e.g., i want to go to italy; i want a dog; i want a baby; i want another bird; i want a bigger apartment; i want to live in brooklyn; i want to live in london; i want a chinchilla; i want to go to scotland; i want to live in the west village; i want to own a townhouse; i want to open a store; i want to be more creative; i want a neice or nephew; i want to quit school; i want to quit work; i want a cat; i want to live on the beach; i want a garden... anyway, you get the picture). the point is that i can't have any of these things right now. i have to wait until i have more money and more time. i know that there's some whole consumerist theory driven by the american capitalist system that i am falling prey to, but somehow it doesn't make it better. even that time several posts back when i was freaked about being "with child," i was secretly excited because it meant that my very predictable life would be thrown for a loop. something would have to change.

i never thought of myself as the kind of person who likes upheaval, especially because i'm a "nester" by nature, but it seems that i kind of thrive on having stuff change. i guess over time, i've gotten used to things shaking-up every few years -- elementary school was probably the longest i'd lived in the same place and went to the same school for more than 4 years. lately, i've lived in the same place, had the same job, had the same man, and had the same bird for upwards of three years. while i'm quite happy about the last two, thank-you-very-much, i feel like something needs to change for me to feel like i'm progressing. is that odd? maladjusted? perhaps. i tried getting into the whole quaker mindset of not wanting new things, but i was painfully unsuccessful. at one point i realized that i was just into it because "i wanted a new religion." sad...

it's memorial day...

...and i'm at work! yuck. walking across campus you could hear a pin drop it's so darn quiet here. hell, you could almost hear a pin drop on broadway this morning. so sucks to be here... what made it even worse is that the trains are running on holiday schedules, so they only come like once every 20 minutes (and that's how long i usually give myself to get here). when i finally got to my building, i found it locked and unwilling to accept my id as adequate proof that i work here. i actually didn't mind the walk across campus to get security to let me in because it meant i had another ten minutes of beautiful, sunny outdoor weather before climbing into my underground bunker. my boss actually said that if there were a nuclear attack on new york, he would actually seek shelter in our office -- that's how bad it is. he suggested stocking up on flashlights and canned soup...

in order to bring a little joy to my memorial monday, i'm attaching this adorable pic of izzy. pink yumminess...

invasion of the bugaboos

so, today it was gorgeous. i've been waiting for this day for weeks -- sunny, 70s, a nice breeze... this is what may should be! it just so happened that this day also collided with the first day of mil's between term long weekend. (he finished his last final friday and starts his summer class on wednesday -- they do call it the city that never sleeps, but this might not be what mil had in mind.)

anyway, we took the free day and the good weather to be a directive from the almighty (whatever that may be) to get the h*ll outside. we happily obliged, donning our rollerblades and wristguards, still warm from last year's perspiration, and heading to the park. unfortunately, we weren't the only one's who though memorial day weekend would be a good time to enjoy the new summer weather. everyone was out there, and everyone was pushing a stroller. all of the ladies who were busy gestating over the winter seem to have burst forth this spring. there were bugaboos aplenty -- and after my new blog addiction (thank you daddytypes and dr. au for the education), i now know my $800 strollers from my $150 strollers. i pointed this out to mil, and he had to start shouting to me every time we passed a couple pushing a bugaboo: "I CAN"T BELIEVE THEY PAID $800 FOR A STROLLER -- A FREAKIN' STROLLER!" my attempts to quiet him down were all for naught.

as a side note, i must inform all of those normal (aka not carrying plastic lightsabers or wookie puppets) folks who were quite impressed with this most recent star wars the first time around -- don't go back. it will only disappoint. the first time around you are impressed because your expectations are so low that it can't possibly be that bad. the second time around you remember how impressed you were and forget how absolutely inane the dialoge and most of the acting was. i barely stayed awake. my advice -- just see it once, and be happy.

finally, i must give a shout-out (heh, i'm sooo not the kind of person who can say "shout-out" and not laugh at myself) to my friend, the metsfan, who helps keep my counter numbers rising. you rock! (and i'll try to be more sensitive when it comes to make-out scenes on the blog). till next time...

so impressed...

...with voinovich! the man actually started crying when talking in the senate about the nomination of bolton to the un. he said he had to think about his kids and his grandkids, and he hoped his colleagues would "do some serious thinking before they go to the 'well' on this one."

here's the clip if you're interested. thanks radioblogger.

amen!

just last night as i was doing dishes after a meal well-consumed, i found myself singing: "oh, lord, won't you buy me a mer-ce-deez benz." now i am known to get some bizarre, random songs stuck in my head, but i could not tell you where in the world this one came from... i don't think i've heard it since the 1980s.

anyway, this song caused me to think... (and rarely does that happen) ...about how well this captures religion -- or at least christianity -- in this era. this is a time when christianity is being used as a weapon to divide and conquer the american people. it is being used as a tool to support greed and hypocrisy at every level. when i think of christianity, i think about what i learned in the few visits i made to church in my formative years. (coming from several generations of agnostic, i don't claim to be an expert.) every church i went to spoke about the mission of jesus -- how he saved lepers, fed the poor, comforted prostitutes... this does not sound like the kind of man who would choose to argue over stem cells or the rights of homosexuals when children were hungry and people were dying. rep. senfronia thompson says it better than i ever could in molly ivins' article on the creators syndicate. for those of you who disparage texans for being the worst kind of republican (and, yes, we are unfortunate to have a very prominent texan misrepresenting us on a global scale), i say, take a look at these lovely ladies.

and i don't believe in time

i'm still not sure exactly why i chose to name this blog what i did... i guess that i didn't think that i would use it for more than a couple of days, so i just didn't really care at the time. now that it has been several weeks, i'm feeling tempted to start a new blog with a name that's a little more representative of what i'm about. we'll see though. i still don't really feel like i've found my blog-niche, so maybe we'll keep it as is.

one of the reasons i'm re-thinking the blog name is because i don't really believe in time. i know this sounds strange -- when i told my folks, they looked at me like i'd joined some sort of cult. i guess i should be more specific though. i believe that time exists insofar as it is part of the way that we as humans perceive the world around us, but it doesn't exist in that it is not some external thing in the environment. i believe that if human brains were structured differently, we would not be constrained by time at all. i know this either seems super looney or retardedly philosphical, but i just think it's strange for someone who doesn't believe in time to elegize about a youth that's been "lost." in fact, i don't actually believe that my youth is lost. i feel like it still exists in some sense, i'm just unable to revisit it because of my inability to see past the laws of time.

i first realized that i was a little kookier than your average joe at the ripe old age of 3 (or perhaps 4). maybe i'm not the only one who's had this experience, but one day i walked into my preschool class and -- perhaps i was overly tired from a late night of partying -- but i wondered if i was still asleep and only dreaming that i was in my classroom. i realized that i had no way of proving to myself that my body was really awake and experiencing the classroom. it kind of frightened me, but then i shook it off and went back learning the basics of walking with scissors. it didn't really come up again until i took my first philosophy class, and i learned that a guy named decartes had the same difficulty at a much older age. after confirming my realization that i wasn't the only kook out there, i went on to study psychology. i thought, "for sure, these psychologists have faced this conundrum head-on and come up with a brilliant way that we can prove that what we see is what is out there." after a disappointing (though actually fantastically interesting) class on sensation and perception, i realized that they really have no clue either. it was this realization that led me to truly accept my intuitive belief that the world "out there" really has very little to do with what i experience "in here" (namely in my brain). that said, since i haven't been able to find any other way to be, i guess i'll just go on and enjoy myself while i'm here...

i'd love to hear what other folks have to say on the subject... assuming any of ya'll think that this is interesting...at...all...

blogging on company time

so here's what i did today: woke up (thinking mil had mistakenly set the alarm for 4 in the morning -- rain, blech); woke-up bird; put bird in shower; put my half-asleep body in shower; mil risked his life to join bird and me in shower (he said he was in a hurry, but i know that he just wanted the extra few moments of seeing me in the buff); added appropriate quantities of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, moisturizer, clothing, contacts, hair gel, etc.; fed bird; waited for the elevator; waited for the train; waited to get up the stairs from train (while being late for first class of the summer); stopped for coffee and pop-tarts despite being late for class; sheepishly entered classroom to find professor to be familiar (i had switched out of her class because she was a little too quirky for my taste -- and, believe me, it requires quite a bit of quirk to be "too quirky" for me); braved the two block walk between class and work; ate lunch; sat and read blogs about pregnant people for the next five hours... and here we are! thrilling, eh? you want my life, i know... (i've just realized that even i wouldn't read my blog if it weren't...well...me. btw, thanks to the two kind folks who left me little notes to know i'm not alone here.)

news of the day? senate agrees to keep the filibuster...for now... i wish i could say that i'm happy, and, hell, it could be much worse given the way that republicans are running all three branches of the gov't these days, but that owen woman has to be pretty damn looney to get her ass handed to her by attorney general gonzales. see this for more.

mil and i watched "super size me" last night. what a fun film! that guy is crazy though. i'm sorry, but if all three of my doctors told me that i could die if i continued eating micky d's, i'd say "screw the movie -- this is my life." clearly this guy was not me. i'm surprised that after his blood tests came back saying that there was urea in his blood, his vegan girlfriend didn't just tie him to a bed and force-feed him vegetables. i would've.

anyway, i've gotta figure out some work-like thing to do for the next three hours because this pregnancy blog stuff just makes my biological clock tick faster... that and i am being paid to be here...

i was feeling a little sad that there were no izzy pics on the current blog page, so i thought i'd add one...


i'm feeling a little random today. it's kind of grey and drizzly and these allergies have yet to fully dissipate. at the same time, i am itching for a flying dog ale which we bought with our fresh direct order this weekend. mil and i used to frequent a little grocery store down in the w. village when i lived there, and they sold all of their various yummy beers. but when we moved up to the middle west side (aka clinton hill/hell's kitchen-ish), we had to go without -- that is until i noticed the little "wine/beer" icon on the fresh direct page. here's to the small pleasures in life!

the man and i reclaimed a little of our youth at msg last night. i hadn't been to a u2 concert since high school, and last night i remembered why. some people thrive on crowds of sweaty, young white folk -- i, however, am not one of them. i love u2's music, and they've got some fun light-show style theatrics that jazzed-up the crowd, but i was a little frightened by the religious ferver with which the throng greeted mr. bono. the whole mass would go up in arms every time he faced their direction. now, don't get me wrong, i think he's a talented vocalist, a pretty cool advocate for the poor, and sexy to boot, but he's still just a middle-aged irish guy with a mic. not worth selling your soul to the dark side. i don't know, maybe i'm just too old for this. then again, i don't remember loving it in my teens. i was always much more for dancing around my room and imagining he was singing just for me... tough to do when you're surrounded by thousands of other women with the exact same fantasy.

ode to the er

i don't know if it's the congestion talking, but some days i just don't feel like writing. i think this is why i gave up my junior high diary after the first big crush didn't pan out. life is always interesting, but sometimes it doesn't feel blog worthy -- especially now that i know that occasionally blog-junkies like myself might happen by. i want to make sure to keep the place tidy... or is that not really what a blog's about? perhaps this is just the place to let it all out and be the can't-seem-to-clean-the-birdcage-or-bathtub kind of slob that i am.

in the spirit of letting it all out, i'll tell you about my lovely evening last night, and you will soon realize how truly wonderful my man is -- and how little you really want me to let it all out. as "er" was coming to a close in the other room, i was desperately trying to get myself into bed. this seems to always involve several last minute trips to the kitchen for water and bathroom for pre-sleep wee, but this evening involved a few too many trips to the old loo. i would lie down and moments thereafter the overwhelming feeling that i'm going to wee in bed would strike. i'd run back to the bathroom only to sit and cry. then i went back to bed and cried realizing that i was not going to get any sleep at all. mil kept checking in on me to make sure that i wasn't really dying, and after seeing me lying in bed in tears suggested a late night trip to the er. i was actually so miserable that despite my better judgment i went, and the truly amazing thing was that mil came with me. granted, the alternative was to attempt to sleep beside a woman writhing and crying in pain all night, but i was still quite impressed. he sat there with me as i waited impatiently (and quite uncomfortably) to see nurse #1, resident #1, nurse #2, nurse #2 again, resident #2, clerk, attending, and finally nurse #3. i was happy (and mil was happier) to leave after my two hour visit to the real er, and i was actually so exhausted that despite the fact that i only left with a first dose of antibiotics in my system i fell right to sleep when we finally made it home at 2am. i'm still exhausted (and congested), but i take comfort in the knowledge that i've got one of the best guys around. i officially declare today "mil rocks day!"

couple dates

the other night mil and i had dinner with a couple of new friends. the fellow is a guy who works with me in my lab, and the girlfriend is interested in possibly going into social work -- and starting a course at my school this summer. it's interesting how the process of making new "couple friends" can be a lot like dating... will my guy like him? will i like her? what if she's a b*tch? what if we have nothing to talk about? in fact, this process might actually be more difficult than dating since there are four people to please instead of just two. alternatively, one might might argue that there's less at stake (i.e., little to no chance that you will end up seeing the other couple naked at the end of the evening). but, then again, if you're like me, the number of people who are worth a coveted week-night, let alone a weekend-night, is awfully short -- and for good reason. if i'm going to sacrifice my very limited socializing hours with new folks, those folks better be damn cool. fortunately, in this case, these new folks passed the bar.

mil and i have established a pretty rigorous screening process for potential couple-dates, including several pre-dinner/brunch/whathaveyou discussions debating pros and cons of proposed couple. if the proposer only knows one member of the couple, the proposer must establish in sufficient detail how unique and likeable that individual really is. it may seem like a lot of work for an evening out, but it's well worth it...

congestion

for those of you who know me (and i have no delusion that there are any people reading this blog who aren't currently sitting at a computer one level beneath the Columbia campus typing t-h-i-s-a-s-w-e-s-p-e-a-k) know that this has been a particularly congested year for me. somehow i have caught every single bug, virus, cold, flu, bacterial infection that has hit the east coast. when the sun started to break through the clouds and 60+ became a regular sight on weather.com, i thought that i may have finally beaten the odds. the predicatable sore throat in the morning dissipated. i was able to kiss my husband again -- on the mouth, no less! i felt comfortable walking outside with wet hair, etc. sure enough, as soon as i leave ny to spend a weekend in minneapolis with a friend i hardly ever visit (you can figure out why by reading the beginning of that sentence again), i get an unshakeable case of cement head. i like breathing! i like hearing, too! hell, occasionally, i even like thinking... none of which can adequately be done when you have a cement block in your head... just fyi.

anyway, i know all one of you has been anxiously awaiting my update, so here it is. i will attempt more interesting posts once i regain use of my head...

a bad case of dementia

some things hurt worse than others. scraping up your knee isn't quite as painful as giving birth to a child. and saying good-bye to your childhood is not nearly as painful as saying good-bye to your memories of childhood.

my grandmother just found out yesterday that she's officially losing her memory. not the usual "i can't remember where i put that book." but more "i can't remember who i just spoke to." i have not heard the word "alzheimers" yet (thank goodness!), but it is in the air. i know that this is difficult for anyone, but my grandmother is not your usual senior citizen. she's been living on her own in las vegas since her husband died fifteen years ago. she took me to my first "booby" show when i was thirteen (not that i had much interest in boobies at the time, but i remember her commenting to my parents that "aw, it's no big deal -- you can hardly tell that they're topless anyway"). she tap dances with "the girls" at airports and nursing homes. she would always lie for us if we were caught gambling underage. she paints and sews sparkly costumes for the "happy hoofers" in her down time. she stops by the local casino to play the nickel machines on quiet nights, and she won't eat dinner till she's had her "cocktail" (absolut on the rocks). she'll tell a dirty joke and swig a beer with the best of 'em and still look the part of the grande dame. this woman has had it together for nine decades and hasn't gone to a doctor for more than a cold. it's just not f***ing fair!

i was talking to her for about five minutes this afternoon, and she asked me three times in a row whether i'd be calling my mom on her cell phone. it's a small thing, but she never did that before. i feel like someone has snuck into my grammie's brain and taken a little of her away from me. i know she feels the same. she's never been one to admit her age, and she's never felt that her age really has anything to do with her. she's insulted that she of all people is losing her marbles, and i don't blame her. there must be far less happy, less attractive, less agile folks who don't need their marbles as much as she! i'm still hoping that someone will discover it is just some kind of bad allergy, and she'll get over it a few days, but i haven't ever heard of a "bad case of dementia."

anyway, here's to hoping...

ye old right wing

i was just reading the paper this morning when i was struck in the head by a cudgel of stupidity. apparently, our esteemed congressmen think that the private institutions who run prisons and jails accross the country are just not quite fat enough. now we want to imprison people for being black or latino. officially, they want mandatory minimums for "gang" crimes. i'm so flabbergasted that i don't even know where to begin on this one. the inherent racism? that gang activity actually sprung out of the prison system in the first place? that mandatory sentences (i.e., the rockefeller drug laws) have proven to be the worst blight on young urban minorities since slavery? that mandatory minimums do nothing to eradicate gang activity?

that anyone would see mandatory sentences as a way to curtail gang violence is completely incomprehensible (think wallace shawn in the princess bride)! in new york state, social workers (and anyone else who actually thinks for two minutes about the state of the correctional system) are trying to come up with ways to repeal mandatory drug sentences because a) they don't work, b) they virtually eliminate judicial discrimination, c) they have engorged an already overcrowded (and shall i add extremely expensive) prison system, and d) did i mention, they don't work!

mandatory minimums basically take away judicial discretion when it comes to sentencing. so, for instance, if an mother of four with no history of violence is caught muling so she can afford to feed her kids, her circumstances cannot be considered when it comes time for sentencing. If this is the third time she's been caught, she automatically gets a minimum of 12 years (that's twelve years that her children are living without a mother!). for those that argue that harsh minimums discourage people from committing the crime in the first place, i say "show me the numbers!" the kids who are choosing a life of crime aren't going to be dissuaded by minimum sentences. in fact, you're much more likely to turn a kid who made a dumb mistake into a hardened criminal by making sure that he gets well acquainted with kind of folks who spend their lives behind bars.

at least randy forbes is being honest about why he wants the bill. he said, "the crime-probability ages are 15- to 24-year-olds, and if you take the person off the streets for that period then the statistics go enormously away in terms of perpetrating additional crimes." hey, with that logic, why don't we just screw the bill and put all 15 to 24 year olds behind bars! while we're at it, let's just make it a crime to be black or latino! who the fuck elected this shmuck to congress??

anyway, that will lead me into my whole divesting washington of politicians theory... that's one for another day.

evangelism -- new york style

when you think of evangelists, you probably think of some jim bakker-type, standing in the middle of one of those mega-churches with stadium seating in the vicinity of the bible belt. you probably don't think of a suitcase full of flyers and a busy corner of harlem (or washington heights). i didn't either until i started frequenting the place. turns out i can't make my commute to the bronx without running into at least one -- which is more than i ever saw in texas. (in texas you can avoid them by skipping the channel.)

the other day a friend and i were waiting for the train at 125th and Lenox (and i was chowing on a some much-needed grub), and a man came up to us. "do you worship god or do you worship the devil?" now how do you answer a question like this? "neither, of course." "you either worship god or your worship the devil. which do you worship?" "neither." "god made that food that you're eating." "i didn't realize... that was nice of him." "god made that food." (okay, dude, you already said that...) "how 'bout mother earth? you're not giving her any credit." at this point he waves his hand (as if to say "there's a lost soul if i've ever seen one") and walks away to pursue a larger, much less amused individual... so, for future reference, if you're ever being pursued by a rabid street-evangelist, a good way to flip the "off" switch seems to be any reference to a female deity.

as an homage to the female deity of your choice, here's a photo of some of her better work.

the white house

today i blog from the comfort of a study in this big contraption called a "house." now to those new yorkers (and other apartment dwellers) among us, a "house" is a big living space with multiple rooms, exterior walls on all four sides, and occasionally occupies more than one level. it's wild. this house is actually a town house (so it only has three exterior walls), and it belongs to my parents.

now my parents recently remodeled this place in what must objectively be called "good taste." as most of my friends will aver, my parents have really good taste, and the budget to actually enforce it on their living spaces. (i claim to have inherited the former, but not the latter.) the place is spruced up with real wood floors, original artwork, shaker cabinets, and basalt countertops. my favorite feature though is the water pressure in the shower. i can actually take a five-minute shower -- something that is virtually impossible in our humble abode (and mil will back me up on this one). the only problem with the place, however, is the fact that it was clearly decorated by a post-menapausal couple. all of the floors, cabinets, and towels are white. no, i mean really white. aesthetically, this is quite lovely, but when you happen to be visiting, and you happen to not be pregnant (see previous post), you would really prefer a nice brown, thready, worn out towel. it's just polite...

anyway, i'm sure the few folks who are actually reading this blog would prefer not to hear about all aspects of moosk's biological functions. so here goes: i, moosk, do solemnly swear to not talk about any of my biological functions for the next week. i like to give myself manageable goals...

life on the edge

i know that every sexually active woman has at one point or another been through a day like the one i'm just recovering from. there's the slow realization, that at this time last month you were . . . um . . . how shall i say . . . well aware of your femininity, and so far this month, you're not feeling so . . . feminine. at first this is just a minor irritation, but as the day progresses, your mind wanders back to "what if . . . ?" what if I have to nurse a newborn while I go to class, work full-time, and see clients? what if we have to move back in with my parents to afford food for the baby? does this mean that I'm really not that much better than britney? these questions start innocently enough and are easily rebuffed by such excuses as "but we've been enoying eachother's company for five years, and sperm has yet to meet egg" and "i get paranoid about this time every month." Over time though, they start to fill all of the little spaces in the brian where thoughts usually occur, and mental process as you know it ceases to exist. at a certain point in the afternoon, you notice that you've been going to the restroom about every five minutes in the hope that this time you'll see a sign that there's no need to fear. rarely, but it does happen, the paranoioa strikes so deep that on the way home you buy a pregnancy test just to get full use of your brain back. fortunately, for the time being, this will be the only "little one" around our house...

privilege

some days i'm just amazed at the world i live in. as part of my internship i work with families in the south bronx in a violence prevention program. we meet for eleven weeks at a given school and talk about violence in the community and ways that parents can help their kids grow up to be violence-free. there's nothing to make you feel privileged more than sitting with a bunch of women your own age who have multiple children, zero to no help from the father(s) of these children, and live in a neighborhood that does much more to ensure that these kids will never graduate high school and never get a decent job than help them grow up. as someone who grew up in a safe neighborhood where kids ran outside in the streets and rode bikes and climbed fences with intermittent supervision from the age of three on up, it boggles my mind that these children have never even felt safe in their own apartments. crack and marijuana smoke cloud the halls; violent arguments between neighbors (and sometimes parents) easily seep through apartment walls; gunshots fired a few blocks away occasionally make their way through an unfortunately-placed window (and once an unfortunately-placed child watching tv). and that's just inside the apartment. that's not talking about the old men who fondle young girls as they walk down the street, or the 13-year old girl who was shot by strangers in a funeral parlor during her relative's funeral, or the high school kids who stab another kid to death by the subway because they were dating the same girl. the deathly fear i faced in the days and weeks following 9/11 is the same fear these children face on a daily basis in their neighborhood. my fear came from one horrific event, but these children face a lifetime of living in a world that has always been dangerous and unfriendly. now imagine being the mother of these children, not knowing whether your kids will make it to school alive, not knowing whether that siren blaring past your building is rushing to the aid of your 12-year old daughter who's just been cut by a friend. these parents i meet live in constant fear for their children's lives and safety. they can't even let their kids play in the local park for fear of the repercussions, and they have to walk their kids up and down the apartment steps for fear of who's lurking in the hallways.

i have no patience for coddled politicians who claim that these people just need to get off their lazy asses in order to improve their lives. who are these white men who claim that "welfare mothers" have no right to their hard-earned tax dollars? how many of those men have sat down and had a chat with just one "welfare mother" let alone walked in their shoes?? i probably don't even need a hand to count them on. am i the only person who realizes that all of the power and privilege i was born with was just a luck of the draw? why can't these people be greatful for their good fortune and share a little of the pie? what have they got to lose? only one hummer for little dicky this year... aw shucks...

i'm sorry, but i wish every white man in washington had to live a week as a mother on public assistance before he started blowing hot air about where his tax dollars should go (just like i wish every white man on capitol hill had to get pregnant at least once before he could vote on the reproductive rights of women). i know, i know... never gonna happen... but a gal can dream..

blog addiction

so, this is now my sixth day of blogging, and i think it is now a full fledged addiction. not writing it, but reading it. i can't stop. i'm tired of reading about other people's lives, and yet, i click on the link for the next page-full of ramblings. no wonder some of the more entertaining bloggers have hundreds of random strangers (aka "visitors") reading about their lives. it's legal crack!

i have a headache from spending too much time in front of the computer, but mil is in a crappy mood (and stepping in birdshit didn't seem to help), and i'm not allowed to watch tv. i could technically work on my paper that's due thursday, but that doesn't sound like too much fun... any suggestions?? i think i need a dog. bird is too self-involved. i need a pet with full-time entertainment capacity -- none of this preening shit. ooh, maybe i could pull up my pal jon stewart and watch some daily show clips before my battery dies.

i think i need to find blogs of other women who are living with husbands who want to go to med school. perhaps we can start a support group... brain clearly addled by too much blogging...

riotous laughter

i'm tired, so there won't be much blog action tonight, but i just had to share a moment of pure joy that happened this very night, in this very apartment. (and, no, it's not what you're thinking.) mil and i were just taking a mid-paper-writing make-out break, when he started kissing my neck. now i am one of those irish-etc. dames whose skin flares at the mere sight of facial hair, so i've never been very good with the neck kisses. tonight, however, was an entirely different story -- instead of cringing in fear, i started giggling. giggling turned into laughing, and laughing turned into non-stop, tear-soaked, gasping for breath, cramp-inducing glee. it's been a long time comin', but thanks for the laughs, hon.

extreme pleasantness

why must sundays be perfect? do they have to rub it in that tomorrow's monday? I mean seriously -- it's not fair. yesterday i had to wake up early, walk for hours in the cold rain, work on my paper, wait for my husband to come home from his study group... not bad, but sure could be better. today? slept late, woke up to many husband hugs, ate a yummy biscuits n' gravy at favorite w. village restaurant with good friends, walked all around village with my man, looked at cute puppies, ate tacos, watched simpsons (and eagerly await the new family guy), and look forward to a bowl of ice cream... mmm... ice cream. it doesn't get much better than that, and it has to end with a monday. so depressing...

anyway, i'm going to post a picture from another wonderful day... enjoy!