things i'd like to do

- create a radio show that explores social issues in depth
- create a new princess monopoly with princesses who do stuff (and happen to look pretty without looking like barbie)
- try improv
- read lonesome dove
- learn how to develop film
- write a parenting book (hahaha...)

comebacks are harder than they look

in my case, this is not because there's so much fanfare [crickets] or the expectations are too high [haha], but because i want to try to find my voice as i am now. when i was writing before i was in a different place in my life ("places" to be exact). in fact, in rereading a smattering of my old posts, i realized how much happened in the few years i had been keeping this blog, and it is nice to have a document of how i felt and the thoughts coursing through my head at that time. of course, i was not and will never be an effusive writer, so there is a great deal that i left undocumented and unremembered -- because of my own nature and because of the nature of the medium. (and isn't that a huge part of the craft of writing in any medium... editing... selecting the parts you want to share and withholding unnecessary or otherwise troublesome details?)

so, here i sit about to write my second blog post in 2.5 years, and i don't really know where to begin. i feel like i gave the quick run-through in my last post, and now i have to dive into the here and now. in some ways, i wonder if there is a here and now. despite my husband and two kids, i feel far from settled. four months ago we quickly departed our apartment of 3.5 years and neighborhood of 11 years for the relative unknown of tribeca/battery park city. it's a beautiful neighborhood, but it's populated by a different breed of new yorker from the upper west side. the level of wealth seems to have jumped up a notch... and there is a very large international contingent (it is not rare to hear children speaking russian, dutch, french, mandarin, or german in the playroom and some of these toddlers speak all of the above). i also noticed that the parents downtown are way "hipper" than the ones on the uws... (my use of the word "hipper" proving my utter lack thereof.) i overhear parents in black leather motorcycle jackets with precisely mussed hair discussing their upcoming concerts or webcasts over the sandbox. these are not my people. my people write scientific papers and consider a trip to the bookstore a major outing. even the schools are hipper... veronica's art school has harvey keitel on the board and yoko ono as a benefactor. her community center has a jazz trio that comes to entertain the kiddos on sunday mornings. what's an unhip girl like me supposed to do?

anyway, this post was about the unsettledness of my life right now. i sometimes feel like there is a pendulum swinging overhead that is dictating the course of my life. i try to lean one direction to get the pendulum to go where i want it to, but my leaning has no impact on the speed and length of its arc. of course, mil's medschool is the pendulum... his performance has a huge impact on my life, but i am not really in control of it. he will either pass or fail. he will either continue on and become a doctor, or he won't, and my leaning will likely have nothing to do with it. if he does succeed [lean, lean, leeeaaannn], then we have two more years in this new neighborhood before we head off into the unknown. if he does not, then it is more likely that we have a year or less of this life before we gather our things and shuttle ourselves off to less expensive pastures. so that is where i am... in a very cool, very hip, unknown.

and pierre said...

"i don't care!"

this is pretty much my attitude toward everything these days (or, more accurately, these hours).

so, i haven't blogged in almost a year... i don't care!

so, you think your kid is cute? i don't care!

so, you want me to update your powerpoint presentation? i don't care!

so, you're worried about us not getting our taxes done on time? i don't care!

what is the source of all of this sudden nonchalance? i'm about to have a friggin' baby! like any day now... a little person is going to burst forth from my loins in a matter of days... possibly hours. how am i supposed to sit back and act like it's any old day...? like i care what eco-chick has to say about school children rummaging through compost? or facebook "friends" posting elementary school photos of themselves? or even timothy geithner's newest save-the-banks scheme. it all just seems so insignificant when i think, "i'm going to have a daughter... in the next month... possibly next week... possibly tomorrow...."

grrr...

there's something about sheryl crow complaining that "people feel like music should be free, that the work [she does] is not valued." huh? later talking about touring around with her 8 month old son and her two yellow labs. yes, sheryl, life is very tough for you. no one values your work... they just pay for your fancy tour bus and your farm in nashville. i'm sorry, but mix tapes have been around as long as i've been alive. people have shared the music they love with friends and family for as long as there has been a tape recorder*... and most people, if they really like an album still go out to buy it. some even pay hundreds of dollars to sit in nosebleed seats to listen to you and your musical cronies in concert. yes, the music industry is on the verge of demise. i think of her in her luxurious farmhouse, and then i think of the people who flip burgers at micky d's or traverse dangerous new york city streets on their bikes to deliver food to people like me making maybe $7 an hour... yes, it's the musicians who are suffering.

anyway... sorry for the randomness. i was actually going to write something about obama and the fact that he's irritating me... what with the not answering questions in any kind of strightforward way. why can't politicians just be themselves for a minute? i would have been much more impressed if he said, "yes, i complimented reagan on his methods... not his policies" rather than saying, "no, i wasn't really complimenting him... i was just saying that he was able to cross party lines and get the opposing party to vote against their entrenched interests -- the way that we should learn to do as democrats." um, that's a compliment.

* i realize that internet music sharing goes well beyond the the mix tapes of my youth, but i still think that plenty of people buy cds and mp3s... and ridiculously expensive concert tickets!

i love my new banner

yesterday, i discovered these brushes through dooce that can do magical things with photoshop (which is magical to begin with). i managed to waste approximately an hour and a half of good work time playing with various photoshop filters and brushes. it's dangerous. i know only a couple of folks still come by here with any degree of regularity, but if either of you want a new banner, let me know. i'd love to make one for you.

in other news, i'm going to houston tomorrow. i'm excited because it means that the temperature will have to be more than 30 degrees. i don't even care if it rains the whole time... wait, scratch that. i do care, but it would still be preferable to this past week of "feels like 2."

yesterday, i was on the subway, and i saw something, and i thought... now this would be a really funny thing to write about on my blog... or at least somewhat funny thing to write about, and by the time i finished thinking all that, the original thought was gone. just like that. amazing.

brain ooze

i'm not sure what has happened to me. i was stacking a set of papers on my colleague's desk, and twice -- not once, but two separate times -- i missed the edge of the desk and let the papers fall to the floor. less than an hour later, i knocked my knee on her chair as i was trying to walk out of her office. i think she might think i'm "special." i've never been a coordinated person, but this is ridiculous... my brain seems to be oozing out my ears or something. maybe it's the lack of caffeine. after my doctor told me i might have ibs, i have tried cutting out my morning cup of coffee, but i'm convinced my brain cannot function without it. any suggestions?

btw, for those of you who are interested, i have posted some adorable photos of lmsp on flickr. i am definitely a proud aunt... mil and i are convinced we will now be stuch with the child from hell... there's only room for one perfect kid in a family, you know.