blech...

so, i sit here writing cover letters, reviewing my resume, and perusing job listings while listening to the whining drone of honking horns outside my window. is this any way to spend a day off of work? of course not, but having taken a look at our joint bank account recently and the mounting pile of secondary applications (which come with their own secondary application FEES) that mil still has to fill out, i don't have much of a choice.

today basically ended my hope for the recruiter position. they offered me a job, but it was at a lower level than they had discussed earlier, and it included "some administrative tasks." that's pretty much all they needed to say. if there's one thing i know about myself, it's that i'm not cut out for another year of "administrative tasks" (i.e., scheduling someone's meetings, answering their phones, filing their papers... blech). so, it's back to the drawing board. if anyone has any good ideas, i am open.

i'm actually a little relieved. i feel like they gave me permission to say 'no,' and 'no' is probably the right thing for me to say. as hard as i tried, i really couldn't picture myself there, and now i can spend my time trying to figure out where it is that i can picture myself. the tough question is how can i find a place that fits my personality and is still willing to pay me lots of money...

i was going to write about the morality of torture, but i decided to write about knitting instead

i've been hungering for a pair of comfortable, funky wrist warmers for the winter, and i just happened upon this pattern. i'm hoping that i'll be able to make them work with the yummy yarn i have left from my little pinafore project. i'm still eagerly awaiting the day i get a photo of the lmsp donning her aunt's loving work, but no pressure, no pressure...
**
since tuesday, i've begun to enjoy my less than full schedule. it's amazing how easy it is to go from guilt-ridden to footloose and fancy-free if you just put your mind to it. and put my mind to it, i did. yesterday, i packed my day so full of enriching activity that i had nary a moment to feel guilty for not being at the office. i even spent some quality time in central park attempting to sketch the bucolic scene before me. it didn't work so well. i've learned that i'm much better with a camera and photoshop than a pack of pencils... and i'm okay with that.

lady of liesure

this is so bizarre. i am home at 11 o'clock on a tuesday morning with "love lettuce" on my face, watching "the view." i don't know what to do with myself. i've done my yoga, had my coffee, showered, and now i have the rest of the day at my disposal. i could lay on my couch all afternoon eating bonbons and reading blogs for all the world cares. you'd think it would be paradise, but the puritan guilt is eating me alive -- i should be looking for a job, i should get some work done, i should be meditating on my future... at the very least i should be finishing up that skirt i started knitting in december... and here i am watching a daytime talk show with my face covered in green slime.

izzy on the other hand loves this. she gets me all to herself for four out of seven days a week. right now she's trying to figure out how she can hobble me by eating off my toenails, so i can't go back to work full-time.
**
speaking of laziness and caving to the power of mass media. mil and i watched "deal or no deal" for the first time last night. i had heard others remark how intriguing the show was, but i could not buy it... "you mean they just decide whether they want what's in their briefcase or whether they want to make a deal? and that's an hour's worth of television?" and there i was, sucked in, watching this obese teamster from staten island decide whether he wanted $400,000 or what was in the case. it was televised crack, i tell you. realizing how quickly my mind can turn to a puddle of goo is a scary thing...

so...

yeah... i'm sorta being sluggish with the whole blogging thing. i've actually got far more free time than i had over the summer, so it doesn't make all that much sense. except maybe it's that whole laziness begets laziness... and several interviews at the same company has killed my excitement about the whole "new job" thing. and ann richards died... and that just makes me depressed. she and molly ivins were some of the very few reasons i had for be proud of being a texan. well, i've still got molly.

scar tissue

Adrift
Originally uploaded by champy1013.

so after five years, i'm still not sure how to make sense of what happened on 9/11. and i definitely don't know how it should be memorialized. it seems to sneak up on you when you least expect it as it did for cartoonsite. one minute you're on the phone with your boss talking about what needs to get done, and the next he says "it's a gloomy day." at first i thought he was talking about the weather... i honestly asked him, "is it raining out?" it took me a beat to remember the date. again this morning i was catching up on my BBC podcast from yesterday as i walked to my 8am interview, and suddenly they're playing sound clips from that morning five years ago. even last night, moments after drifting off to sleep, i awoke standing at the bedroom window screaming "what's happened? what's happened?" just because a firetruck blared its sirens as it sped past our open window. i was still shaking with fear as i returned to bed. i don't know how many times i've done that since 9/11, but i know i never did that before. little things change while the big stuff stays the same -- corrupt politicians, war in lebanon, poverty, torture... it's difficult when i really take the time to remember that day and that week... wondering if life will ever return to normal... if i'll ever feel safe again. in general, i'd rather not. that's why i've kept my distance from the movies and the news reports. i don't need bush or abc to remind me what it was like that day. unfortunately, i remember all too well.

road trip

desert road
Originally uploaded by atb20.

suddenly i feel very stationary. after ten days on the road, stopping in a new town every couple of days, life in the old apartment just seems very predictable. a road trip visiting family and friends (with babies) may not seem like the ideal vacation for most, but after many months of hibernating in the city, a road trip was exactly what we needed. and as much fun as it was to catch up with the west coast relations, it was equally as much fun to sit in our gas guzzling suv rental (we requested a compact, thankyouverymuch, but the rental company only had various shades of gas guzzlers on the lot) with some drive-thru del taco on our laps and coldplay on the stereo. there's a hell of a lot of nothing on the road between las vegas and the bay area, but after being in nyc for so long without a break, "nothing" was a nice break. i'm finding myself a little itchy to get back on the road and go someplace new. there are many gorgeous places in driving distance from the city, but mil has just started school again, so weekend trips will likely be few and far between. in the meantime, i'll have to use my fertile iamgination (and cartoonsite's blog) to transport myself to picturesque new englandy towns.

click here if you're interested in the brief road trip slide show.
**
on the work front, i finally heard back from the executive recruiting firm while i was in ca. i was glad to know that they hadn't forgotten about me, but at 8am on vacation, i wasn't very coherent. all i know is that they'd like for me to come and start there part-time to see if the job is for me. sounds good, right? i'm already spending the money in my head... $50/mo for tivo/dvr. regular manicures and pedicures. oh, and a trip to hawaii next summer. that's the big one. mil will be getting his ba, and i'll be turning the very ancient 3-0 (ack!), so it seems like an expensive vacation is in order. of course, i'm still awaiting confirmation of the part-time job at this point (while they told me that they want me, they haven't yet told me when and for how much), so i haven't written any checks yet. i'll keep ya posted.

little miss squiggley pants

i finally met little miss squiggley pants (aka my niece, aka lmsp). it sort of felt like internet dating in that so little of the person was contained in the pictures i'd seen. she was so much cuter in person... so much sillier and squigglier and gassy. my brother is convinced that she can already talk, stand, and compute the square root of pi -- just like any proud father. apparently, she says "ap ap" when she looks at the fan (though i did not hear it in my four days with her), and she is referring to the fact that the fan is an appliance. not bad for 6 weeks, eh? we're expecting a harvard m.d. by 2007.

we also saw two other babies on our vacation (hence the subtitle of our west coast trip -- "baby tour 2006"). my cousin's and my oldest friend's. both had boys, and they dwarfed lmsp by many ounces. all were cute and well behaved.

otherwise the trip was a success. no car wrecks despite 2 nyc drivers clocking in over a 1000 miles. i saw 3 good friends, 6 in-laws, 4 cousins, 1 sibling, and 1 niece in 10 days. i will try to get some trip pics online tomorrow...

the old me

i'm falling back into the patterns of a non-student. i forgot what had motivated me to start grad school in the first place... the desire to grow a little, learn something new, try on a new hat for a change. now that i'm back out of school i'm rediscovering that familiar longing. i want to try baking again... making elaborate meals just for the fun of it. i also wonder if perhaps i should have taken courses in computer graphics or landscape design while i was still a full-time employee here. as my age creeps higher, i still can't seem to imagine what a dream job would look like. i'm much more the type for a dream hobby. "job" just makes me picture being stuck in an office for hours and hours, days and days, weeks and weeks, until next thing you know your fifty years old and wondering where your life went. hell, i'm 29 years old and wondering where my youth went. wasn't i just that fresh young thing out of college with nary a wrinkle to my brow? how could seven years of adulthood meandered by unnoticed?

save the children, knit

as if by magic a friend emailed me this link yesterday. anyone else a knitter? or know one?
**
btw, i've come up with a new resolution for myself (perhaps magic will help with this one, too). i need to go to hawaii. fate, i can be found one storey below ground at approximately 43 degrees north, 75 degrees west. i can be at newark airport with bag in hand in three hours flat.

thoughts on knitting

i've decided that from this point on i should only knit things for babies. i knit a whole dress for my niece in a matter of maybe a month... and meanwhile i've been working on a skirt for myself for the last eight and a half months. and after all that time, i'm maybe halfway done. my patience is wearing thin.
**
for those of you on the east coast, i hope you were able to spend a good chunk of the weekend outdoors because the weather was just dreamy. the arid breezes called-up visions of falling leaves and pumpkins. mm... i was ready to grab my leather jacket and some warm apple cider...
**
for those of you who used to keep track of mil's comings and goings via his practically defunct blog, he'll be giving that mcat a double-take this weekend. wish me luck!

guess what movie we're going to see tonight... here's a clue: ab & mil picked it. this was my first choice.

hi

it's me! over here. that's right. i've managed to remember that i have a blog. not sure how long it will last, though mil and i are seriously considering making podcasts to put on youtube. what do you think? far more entertaining than my usual meandering ramblings... and mil's usual silence. any intro episode suggestions?
**
anyway, my masters work is complete, so now i get to sit by the mailbox eagerly awaiting my my degree. ok, so i'm not sitting by the mailbox... i've got far more important things to do... like find a job. one that doesn't bore me to tears, pays me lots of money, and makes me feel good about myself... hmm... tall order. i was reading this interesting article in the times, and it made me worry that if these really smart, highly qualified women are having a difficult time finding a job that is suitably challenging, high-paying, and part-time, wtf am i going to do when i have kids? i don't know, but i sure as hell am going to stay far away from "the street."
**
so, i have a niece. did i mention that? yeah, she's pretty darn cute. mil and i are heading west in a week and a half so we can finally meet her in person. ichat is great and all, but they still haven't figured out how to teleport small children across the continent... maybe in ichat 4.0.
**
um... yeah, that's all i can think of. so... stay classy, san diego.

done

so, yesterday was my last day of field. it was a rough one... not for the usual reasons, but because i had to say good-bye to some people i've become very close to. it's amazing what happens when you spend an hour a week with someone talking about their hopes and fears and daily struggles. one young client started crying, and that almost brought me to tears as well. there was little comfort i could offer when all he wanted was for me to stay... a child who's had more upheaval in the last six months than i've had in my whole life. what could i do? i'm graduating, moving on with my life. i almost lost it again in my last meeting with my supervisor who offered me a hug and "best of luck with your future." last summer i couldn't wait to get out of field. my final ride home on the d was like heaven... i think i might have been singing. this summer, i just feel lonely and sad, and i just want to go back next wednesday and see my clients one last time... give them one last hug. it's a weird feeling to just walk out on people you've spent so much time getting to know. i'll likely never see or hear from any of them again. i won't know how their first year of high school went or whether they got that job they've been waiting to hear back about. i know i'll get over it, move on, etc., but all of the people i've met over the past year will stick with me, and my world is just a little bigger because of them.

posty posterrific

here i am... sitting at my computer... still not really coming up with anything to post about. there's no news on the job front other than i've made an appointment to spend some quality time at the office of this executive recruiter person next week provided my jury duty doesn't extend beyond the 3-day mark. mil is still studying up a storm for the crap-cat. and we played hooky from the city over the weekend, so we could sit in the pool at my parents place and play ping-pong with the metsfan clan. and it was good.

...

Follow Your Dream
Originally uploaded by AliceinW.

not feeling very talkative this week... so i thought i'd share someone else's photograph. kinda says it all...

she's here!

baby b has joined the ranks of the eating, breathing, pooping, tooting, burping humans. weighing in at 6 lbs. 9 oz. and i-don't-know-how-many-inches-because-it-was-3am-and-i-was-half-asleep-when-i-got-the-call, she's a lucky little camper. she's already being doted on by two loving parents and four teary-eyed (if a little sleepy) grandparents. i'm sure that they're more than making up for my absence. unfortunately, modern technology didn't work in my favor, so i've yet to see the little lady, but i've been standing sentry by my laptop just in case.

she's coming...

my niece is coming! my niece is coming! unfortunately, i'm a continent away, so i'm going to have to enjoy the festivities via isight. my brother got his new macbook just in time, so while i won't be able to hold her for another month, i will be able to watch my brother get used to holding his first child and see my parents ogle over their first grandchild thanks to the internet. it should be quite an experience.

**

while it pales in comparison, i also had my first job interview of the season yesterday. i'm still trying to figure out how i feel about it. i think it went well, and since my dad made the introductions, i think i had a leg up on the competition. my concerns are really about myself, my capabilities, and what i want to see happen in the next few years of my life. it's a position that would require jumping back into the corporate world with full force. it would make use of my social work skills, but would require an additional skill set i haven't quite mastered: sales skills. the upshot is that i would work my way toward a very handsome salary over the next few years. the downshot (does that exist?) is that i will have to work my butt off for it and try to get in touch with my inner salesperson (without losing my soul). that also means that the wee milmoosks might have to wait a little longer than expected to greet the world. hmm.. much to mull... fortunately, i've been offered the opportunity to be a wallflower for a few hours to see just how soul-sucking the job might be. seems like a smart place to start.

sheltered

i imagine people going about their daily lives... working, buying food, taking care of their families, when suddenly every semblance of normalcy is ripped apart by the sounds of missles striking buildings not too far away. homes, restaurants, schools, office buildings quickly become indistiguishable piles of dusty rubble.

my sympathies do not lie with israel or hezbollah or lebanon, but the people of all faiths and ethnicities who get caught in the crossfire. i have a hard time understanding the level of hate that must permeate the region in order for the kidnapping of two soldiers to lead to the deaths of 224 people -- and that is only the latest count. i cannot fathom the level of anger a person must feel to put a whole country in danger just to make a point. what i do understand is that hate breeds hate and anger breeds anger, and violence just begets more violence. it's hard to see how this will end without shattering the lives of hundreds of thousands of people, and it's devastating to see what could have been the tenuous beginning of peace fall apart literally overnight.

work schmerk

i don't know why, but this last month of work seems like it's going to last an eternity. it's so hard to be almost out the door... i feel like i should be more excited, but given that i don't know exactly what's going to come next, it's hard to be. it seems that i might have the option to continue working for one of my bosses on a part-time basis which wouldn't be bad. i'd still have some benefits (though i will actually have to pay something for them), and i'd have some clue as to where the money will come from for our west coast trip next month. and i will get a chance to take it easy for a while till i fill the slot for the other part time job. on the other hand, i don't know what i'd do for that other part time job. i could look for something in social work, or i could try something totally new... there's a definite lure to the whole "making real money" thing, but the part time job could actually make social work a little more financially appealing (though still pretty far from "real money") since i'll be getting paychecks from the other job, too. ahh... so many decisions. i guess i should just be glad i have options. i'll keep you posted if any decisions are actually made.

recipe for a happy marriage...

... or strawberry risotto.

last night mil and i decided to celebrate our anniversary on the cheap with a romantic homemade meal. we even went so far as to sit at the dining table instead of the coffee table as we usually do. of course, that doesn't mean that we didn't watch hell's kitchen while we consumed our romantic dinner... an addiction's an addiction, you know.

anyway, the one somewhat fancy meal i know how to cook is strawberry risotto. it's a recipe ms. cartoonsite introduced us to a few years back when we were looking for an exciting summer meal that didn't require leaving the confines of our air conditioned apartment. i was surprised that red meat mil was even willing to try such a fanciful dish, but like most things, after trying it he was hooked. here's my somewhat mangled interpretation of that recipe:

5 c. chicken or veggie broth
1 small yellow onion chopped
2 T olive oil
1 c. arborio rice
1 c. + chopped strawberries
3/4 marsala wine
3/4 c. grated fresh parmesan (plus more to garnish)
1 T. butter
salt and pepper to taste

heat the broth in a saucepan to boiling, then keep at a simmer for the duration. you can make the broth with veggie or chicken stock, too. in a deep frying pan, heat the olive oil and add the chopped onions over medium heat. stir them for a few minutes until they start to turn golden. add the rice and the strawberries. stir for a couple of minutes and make sure that the rice is coated in the oil. add the marsala wine and salt and pepper. cook till the wine evaporates. start adding the vegetable broth 1/2 c. at a time (i use a big ladle to do this). you want the broth to slowly absorb into the rice, creating a creamy texture. wait till the liquid is gone before adding the next 1/2 c. of broth. continue doing this for 25 - 30 minutes until the rice is the texture you like. once it is creamy and soft enough, remove the pan from the heat. stir in the butter and the parmesan. serves 4. (or two if you eat it like mil and i do.)

just to show how romantic (and cheap) we really are, my gift to mil was the book that inspired this very, very sick game. as you can imagine, the book is also very, very sick. just the kind of thing my baby loves.