currently consuming

update

the traffic light is on the fritz again. if you don't hear from me for a while, please check the local mental hopistals.

honk, honk

honk honk
Originally uploaded by atb20.

so, i want to make a confession. i haven't done any homework all weekend. and i've got absolutely no desire to start now. i'm not in the mood to do much of anything except lounge on the couch... eat chocolate... maybe knit a couple of little goodies... i'm actually dying to show them off, but since they're going to one of my few loyal readers, i will wait until they've been presented in person before i present them in blog.
**
this lovely sunday morning began with the soothing sounds of horns from the street below. thanks to a spastic traffic light, i was forced to endure hours of incessant honking. i was actually yelling through my closed window eighteen floors up because by 1pm the cicadadic rhythm of the taxi horns had actually taken my sanity. i think my neighbors were concerned. it was at this point i decided to leave home to run some errands. thank goodness. i returned home after the light was fixed and what little sanity i possess had returned.

the cult of celebrity-ish

as i cave in to a few moments of entertainment tonight, i want to make something clear: a woman who is a professional wrestler cum "dancer with the stars" is NOT a celebrity. equally, a woman who was in "america's top model" and engaged to a "brady" is NOT a celebrity either.

puppy love

so. i'm still here. and despite my hectic schedule i still seem to suffer from occasional bouts of wanting stuff. yesterday i was reading a book about psychodynamic developmental theory, and it was all about how special the mother-infant bond is. while reading it, all i wanted was a little baby milmoosk in my arms exhibiting gaze recognition and secure attachment. i had to remind myself repeatedly that it would not be good to start my job search looking 6 months pregnant. repeatedly. this incessant ticking of the old biological clock is starting to get louder, and mil is getting frightened. though i know that there's a part of him that is excited as i am, he seems better able to separate a want from a need and an intelligent idea from a stupid one. these are things i seem unable to do at the moment. fortunately, the two jobs, two classes, and the internship seem to keep time moving pretty quickly. one moment it's monday and i'm dreading the week ahead... a few moments later its friday afternoon and i can't believe how much crap i didn't get done.

i've started a little campaign this past week thanks to dutch and my own need to have something to look forward to... i'm going to start bargaining for a puppy for my birthday (in june). see, i have this little rule: since mil hates izzy (though i'm convinced at some level he loves her dearly), and i can be retardedly impulsive when it comes to pets (case-in-point: rose-breasted cockatoo with a 4-digit price tag purchased 3 days after my $50 lovebird died), it is up to mil to make the next pet purchase. the way i figure it, there are several things working in my favor: (a) puppies are cute, (b) mil really wants a dog, too, (c) mil will likely have a lot of time off over the summer to puppy-raise, (d) i will be going to a normal work schedule starting next fall, (e) and mil will still be working insane hours, so i will be lonely, and (f) puppies are damn cute. sounds good, right? work with me here, folks!

a little science

central park in winter
Originally uploaded by atb20.

perhaps i should just stop reading. that might be good. then i might not be so worried about the direction in which our country creeps a little more every day. i could maintain a steady diet of fox news and remain blissfully unaware that children are dying in darfur and diplomacy is losing what little foothold it had in the middle east. i could think that all muslims are bad and good teenagers never have sex. it would be so much easier.

unfortunately, it's difficult to unlearn how to read. i'd have to give up dan brown along with the new york times, and chances are i'd still occasionally flip past bbc world news and accidentally get real news. not to mention what would happen to my job... i don't think they hire too many illiterate research assistants.

so today i learned that nasa is editing their press release about a white dwarf star so as not to frighten people about the eventual demise of our sun -- hundreds of billions of years from now. that's a wee bit disconcerting, but what was even more so was that kansas school board removed the big bang from their science curriculum in 1999, and i don't remember hearing so much as a peep about it! it's these little things that get buried in the 5th page of the newspaper that scare me... its the little things that change a country, not the big things. and i think bush et al. are happy to have us duke it out over roe v. wade while they surreptitiously change educational curricula and fund abstinence only "education." so far it seems to be working...

btw, happy valentine's day!

brr...

trees in winter
Originally uploaded by atb20.

so, i did end up venturing out yesterday -- hell, anything not to write a paper, right? well, it started out innocently enough. brunch with the folks in their new apartment (they're to thank for the tree top photo). i could do that and easily make it back for some quality homework time before mil returned from mcat class. alas, my parents taunted me with the prospect of sledding in the freshly fallen snow, and who am i to resist the awesome power of sledding in the country -- even if it involves a treacherous drive to the suburbs on a day when the mayor staunchly warned against any automobile travel. but, seriously, sledding vs. homework. not much of a contest. needless to say it was long past twilight when i returned home to set to work... and by then mil was home with hopes of catching up on some west wing. clearly, this was not meant to be. the only question i have is this: how did i ever make it through college?

gun control is wrong

just plain wrong. thanks for the link, ms. doodlebug.

snowy sunday

i woke up this morning with a flash of inspiration... i thought i had the perfect name for my blog... but that might mean throwing off my three loyal readers... so, i've tucked away the perfect name for the moment and made some fun banners for this one. besides, if i have a new blog name, i might have to have a new blog, and i'm not ready for that.
**
what have i been up to for the last several days, you ask. well, interestingly enough, i've been working and going to school. i know, this is a great departure from my usual pattern of working and, um, going to school. honestly, i don't know why anyone reads this blog. mil has given it up entirely. when i ask him if he's read it, he says, "no, honey, but if you want me to, i will." that's the sign of a budding literary career, isn't it? fortunately, i never had that as a goal.

so, this weekend we're getting our first blizzard of the winter. it's a beautiful whiteout complete with icy window sills and blustery winds. fortunately, i've got no reason to leave the apartment. yesterday, i didn't leave home till 8pm when i had to find my way down to the lower east side for mbajackass's birthday festivities. mil and i had many broken engagements to make up for, and leave it to us to pick the one event that involved a blizzardy trek to rivington st. it was all worth it to hear the slightly shocked sound of mj's voice over the cell phone, "you're coming? really?" granted we lasted all of a half an hour before shuttling off for home, but at least i could say i left the house. who knows if that'll happen today.

happy tea

Chaleira
Originally uploaded by dan nation.

there's a little afghan restaurant on 9th ave and 53rd st that's tucked away between a take out place and a newstand. no larger than the newstand, the restaurant barely fits five tiny tables, but they make the most savory "spinach" (sooo much more than spinach) and the bolani kachaloo are enough to cause small skirmishes at the table. that said, the best thing about ariana is the "happy tea" -- a spicy, cardamon-y concoction that wakes you up out of the consumption coma (induced by the several orders of bolani kachaloo required to keep the peace) and the giggly smirk you get from wali, the lone waiter, when you order it. it's been far too long since i've had my happy tea, but i have high hopes that with the return of mbajackass we'll be seeing much more of wali and that tasty tea.

sinking a little lower

so, what started out as a journey toward self-improvement has turned me toward a life of smut... a few weeks ago, mil and i re-discovered they gym. we were looking forward to a healthier semester replete with regular physical activity. it was to be a beautiful thing. then i remembered the table full of trashy magazines that welcomes you to our local fitness center. ok!, hello, us weekly, star, people... months worth of brad and angelina, jen and vince, tom and katie, charlie and denise, and, of course, paris and her fiance of the month... for years i was able to resist, looking down on the poor wretches who slavishly followed the ups and downs of people they've never met. now... now i'm one of them. i even found myself watching "extra" last night waiting to find out what angelina had to say about marrying brad. save me...

identity

there are certain things that my propriety keeps me from discussing with the world of the web, but let's just say that there's nothing like a good husband to take away the stresses of the day... i found myself singing the lyrics of a snappy junior brown song last night: i make the most of what i got at home and forget what i left behind. i'm halfway gone, but my better half's coming home.

i know a lot of folks are driven to succeed... whether it be money, power, academic achievement... i think that's cool, but i've come to realize that i'm just not one of those people. i'm happy to work, but i'm happier to play, and if it's going to stress me out or exhaust me, i'd rather not do it at all. not much of a good capitalist upbringing, i guess.

nevertheless, i've discovered a bit about myself by going through this internship thing. i have a psychodynamic therapist as my supervisor, and, as such, she requires me to do a lot of self-examination as part of my work with my clients. one of the things i've realized is that i've always been in a rather driven environment. by comparison, i've always been a bit of a slacker, happy in the middle type. i don't need to be in the top of my class or be in the most clubs to feel good about myself, so i always thought i was kind of a free spirit. turns out, when you're not at an ivy league university or a snooty prep school, there are a lot of people who take things a lot easier. huh... my supervisor seems to think of me as a bit of a neurotic, achiever type, which is really funny because i just never knew i could be thought of that way. i guess it's always good to take a peak at yourself through somebody else's eyes and realize you're not quite as normal as you thought you were.

that said, when i'm surrounded by these masochistic young folk who are gunning for a phd, i feel like i'm judged for "just" getting a masters. i find myself explaining... you see, i'm older, and i like to make money every once in a while... and you know, someday, i might just go back to school and get that phd in social work... really. i feel like somehow i have to prove i'm smart. one professor i work for seems to be surprised whenever i can figure something out on my own, or type up a powerpoint slide in a couple of minutes... like somehow because i'm just a lowly masters student i don't have the brainpower of those goal-oriented phd students (born in the 80s, no less). then again, i spend about half my week with smart kids who are special ed-ing their way through junior high and very intelligent adults who never got through high school. by comparison, i guess i seem like the masochistic, over-achiever. go figure.

truthiness

i was just hunting through the msnbc website to find a story that mil and i watched last night... it took me a full five minutes of searching through various stories and headlines to find it, and in the meantime, i discovered that:



the story that i was actually looking for was this one:


apparently, the cia -- our most powerful weapon against terrorism (note: not terror), had mistakenly posted the photo of abu hamza al-masri in its attempt to find midhat mursi al-sayid 'umar. the former is a "radical london imam" and the latter is al-qaida's expert on poisons and lethal chemicals. hmm... honest mistake. now i'm not sure what frightens me most about this... the fact that the supposed experts on terrorism can't tell the difference between one muslim man and another. or the fact that hundreds of individuals are being held in detention centers in guantanamo bay without charges. or the fact that our president is illegally wiretapping american citizens... or maybe, just maybe, its ALL THREE! i'm also bothered by the fact that a story of this magnitude required a full five minutes of searching in order to find at the bottom of the "u.s. news -- peculiar postings."

the thing i like most about my internship:

i'm nobody's assistant. can i tell you how sick i am of being called "so-and-so's ass-istant"? it doesn't happen often, but when it does, my blood boils. interesting that i chose this job two months after i'd finally gotten a non-assistant job (though i was technically an "assistant general manager," there was no "general manager," so it doesn't really count). then again that job sucked, so making peanuts working for world-renowned psychologists while i got my msw seemed so much better by comparison. what was i thinking...?

can i tell you, my greatest fear of returning to the business world is that i'll have to accept some crappy assistant job where they pay me big bucks to make sure mr. ceo has his dinner reservation at babbo. (is that not the hot place anymore? these academics aren't really into the hot-restaurant-of-the-moment thing, so i'm out of the loop on that one.) i guess i just have to make a pact with myself that i won't sink that low... money just isn't worth it anymore. if i can be a therapist, and make $50K/year vs. be an assistant and make $70K, i'm taking the therapist gig. but what if they offer me $100K? can i really turn that down? or would i turn into johnny damon and say "just call me ass-kissin' moosk"?

dumb like a moose

izzy mac
Originally uploaded by atb20.

i know that it is sunday. i'm pretty sure it's january. classes have begun, and my brain is still goo. when people ask me what's going on, i stutter for a moment, trying to remember who and where i am... what's going on, eh? i'm alive. i seem to be talking to you. what was the question? in my dream world, mil and i go back to italy to spend a month "re-connecting." i want to have a whole month away from all responsibility, all work/school-related nonsense, all the "how the f-ck are we going to pay rent?" crap.

mil has had a month off from school, but he starts back next week. this makes me sad. i've had him to myself for whole days at a time this past month. last weekend we spent almost the entire time wrapped in blankets watching movies and tv. it was heaven. starting next week he'll be back to his 7-day/week schedule w/ no moosk-day. i'll have to make due with snippets of time on saturday morning and sunday afternoon. pphlllbbt.

the only hope i have is that one semester of this hellish year is done... only one semester left. i can do it. i just have to forget that i have needs and wants beyond work and school (husband, what husband? puppy, what puppy? baby, what baby?). it's just the bird and me for a while... and she's sort of a pain. quite literally. (i currently have little red marks around my neck and shoulders from where she has decided to try to groom away all my imperfections. thanks, sweetie.) anyway, i'm sure more interesting things have happened but i can't remember them. i do remember that i promised to give a shout-out to loyal reader and future daddy, metsfan. someday, mil and i will see you and cat more than three times/year... someday... mil has promised me that if he goes to medschool in nyc, he will let me live in brooklyn. yay!

der winter ist kalt

the hudson
Originally uploaded by atb20.

indeed it is. we had a brief reprieve this week with highs in the 50s, but that came slamming to a halt with today's high of 29. i know you massachusetts folk laugh at our paltry twenty degrees, but we have to walk... outside! okay, so it's not really that bad, but i'm feeling especially lazy this weekend, and i like to have a good excuse. yesterday mil and i left the apartment twice -- once to workout (downstairs) and again to get more tissues... it wasn't until i was frumped-out (a la britney) in the elevator and ran into a woman in 3" heels (in rainy 30 degree weather) that i remembered it was saturday night. ah, i love married life...

yay politics!

i was sitting here twiddling my thumbs, listening to air america, and i thought to myself -- woo-hoo, alito! here's a guy who'll really listen to the word of the law and interpret it, no law-making here, just strict, unbiased interpretation... hahaha... yeah, apparently this dude was really excited about being a member of this club at princeton that fought against the introduction of female students at the college... cause, you know, female students would take away the sanctity of a princeton education. mm.. that's the kind of guy i want making decisions about my civil rights.
**
outside of the political sphere, there've been news reports of a young woman in new york taking time away from her masters in social work to pursue a graduate degree in sudoku. have you tried this sh*t?? it's seriously addictive. i've been trying to get mil hooked on the stuff, but he's resisting my peer pressure. what good's a husband if you can't share an addiction?
**
finally, a post, eh? not much has changed. i survived meeting with my potentially homicidal client last week, and it looks like i'll be seeing him again tomorrow. exciting, eh? otherwise, i still want a puppy, and i've still got a cold... btw, thanks for the comments... i'm a little starstruck that dutch has been stopping by my blog, since he has just about the cutest little kid ever -- and quite a popular blog to boot. and, as always, i'm amazed that someone who writes as well as doodlebug checks my rinky-dink blog every now and again. and mil... darling mil... well, you know how much you mean to me...

bloggered out

yeah... i think i've hit the wall. not the good wall, mind you, but the wall that stops you dead in your tracks and tells you it's time to try something else. i will type here every once in a while if i feel so inclined, but it won't be anything regular or substantive... more likely just mindless ramblings that tumble out of my overcrowded, poorly-functioning brain. hell, that's what i've pretty much doing anyway, but from now on i'm relieving myself of any pressure to be consistent about it. hope ya'll don't mind. i still plan to be a regular reader, and perhaps i'll become a more regular commentor, but that's about it. now with all that talk of regularity... i'd best be on my way.
xo, moosk

over the hump... sorta

haunted house
Originally uploaded by atb20.

i've made it out the other side... i think. no papers, finals, projects for a whole month... ahhh... then again...

last night my supervisor basically confirmed my suspicion that i am the least fortunate intern in the history of social work... i've had 3 emergency situations in 4 months... 2 calls to acs, and last night i had a potentially homicidal patient in my office... a teenager, no less. it sucks. i'm beginning to think that god (or whatever higher being i ascribe to) doesn't want me to be a social worker. i mean how the f-ck am i supposed to deal with this kind of sh-t?!? i want a job where i can go home and sleep at night, not worry about whether the adolescent i just met will kill someone because of something i did or did not do. i don't know how mil will deal with having other people's lives in his hands. this is bad enough, and i'm not the one holding the scalpel.

what the - ?

"Two weeks of treaty talks on global warming neared an end today with the world's current and projected leaders in emissions of greenhouse gases, the United States and China, still refusing to take any mandatory steps to avoid dangerous climate change."
-NYTimes

winter is...

Bathesda Terrace
Originally uploaded by ryecroft.

...brief moments of beauty followed by days of grimey slush and cold noses.
**
i'm vershmeckled (my own personal spelling, thank you very much)... the brain is a vat of goo and the muscles i once knew have become useless lumps of flesh. i still have a final exam to finish and a brochure to type up on the perils of medicare plan d. woo-hoo... before you turn green with envy, i also just learned that the grant which supports my position (which in turn supports my education) has suffered a rather large cut thanks to some military operation in iraq and a hurricane that destroyed an major metropolitan area earlier this year... so, moosk's days of limited financial stability might be numbered.

since i'm tired and i still have miles to go before i sleep, i'll leave you with this link. buying gifts through the hunger site will make you feel good about the rampant consumerism that ensnares us all this time of year...

first snow

trees at dusk
Originally uploaded by atb20.

so, this morning, mil wakes me up at about 7:30 to tell me it's snowing. i could hear that little bit of childhood glee of the first snow of the season... (mil and i are both from warmer climes, so real snow always comes as a bit of a surprise.) unfortunately, by the time i'd pulled myself out of bed it was mostly slush on the streets and a light dust of white on the rooftops... i guess you've got to get up before 10 to really appreciate it.
**
so, yeah, i couldn't keep myself away, but posting will still be slow... btw, i've uploaded a few thanksgiving parade shots to flikr if anyone's interested... we were forunate to have a nice (warm) spot about eye level with scooby.

please stand by

due to the onslaught of final exams and end-of-semester presentations, moosk's brain has experienced technical difficulties and is no longer in service. we hope to return you to our original programming after december 14th. till then, safe and happy shopping to all!

congestion

Ernst & Young
Originally uploaded by atb20.

it continues... the endless running, dripping, sniffling, deafening mess. a smarter woman would call a doctor, but that woman would also be willing to sacrifice an entire morning or evening to my PCP. i'm just not sure i'm ready to do that. nothing a good four-day weekend won't cure, right? right.
**
so, many of you have probably made it to the theatre to see the latest installment of the harry potter cinema series. i must admit, i too felt the draw, and actually made it there opening night thanks to the generousity and forethought of fellow fan. (thanks, ab!) while i wasn't as disappointed as mil, i found it to be a bit of a mish-mosh. nothing close to the cuaron masterpiece of "prisoner of azkaban" -- though not as hokey as the first film. individual scenes were actually quite engrossing, but the film came together in an awkward fashion. (kinda like my words.) i'm curious to hear what others thought since this wasn't my favorite book, and i know for many it was...

whole foods + sunday evening = stupid

whole foods
Originally uploaded by atb20.

yeah... it was nuts. i don't know what part of me thought it would be a good idea, but i was in desperate need of vegetarian chili, and associated was all out. well, that and whole foods tortillas are muy, muy bien. so here i am a few nerves shy of a meltdown and a fridge full of yummy tortillas. i guess it all evens out in the end.

back when i was in high school, whole foods was just an old hippy hangout. lots of sprouts and organic granola in bulk. i loved it. it was the only place i could get a hummus sandwich while admiring the cute, scraggly-looking bagboys (give me a break, it was the 90s...). it was a far cry from the whole foods of today -- no jamba juice, no low carb sugar, no bugaboos clogging the lanes, and certainly no line stewards guiding hoardes of yuppies a half mile long. ah well... this is what i get for having the luxury of yummy, buttery tortillas around the corner...

grandpa

Grandpa
Originally uploaded by atb20.

this month my fiesty, old grandpa would be turning 108. it's easy for me to keep track of how old he would be because he's exactly 80 years older than me. he was married to my youngest, and only living grandparent, the glamorous and spry grammie, who was a mere 62 when i was born (i'll let you do the math since ms. g would not be cool with my revealing her age -- even in a relatively anonymous forum like this).

grandpa died just before my 13th birthday. he had been in and out of hospitals since he was 55, suffering from maladies as benign as shingles to such killers as colon cancer (i think that was circa 1960), so it was a surprise to us that he went off with such little fanfare. one moment he was on the couch, needling my grandmother for not making his sandwich fast enough, and the next he was gone.

for as long as i knew him, he would croon in his gravelly voice: you'll miss me when i'm gone, baby. apparently, it was actually a song, but my grandpa wasn't much of a singer. he just wanted to make sure we appreciated his acidic wit while he was around. now that i'm older, i wish that i'd had more time to talk to him. he had such stories to tell. born in 1897 to immigrant parents, the youngest of 18 (or 17, depending on where you look) kids, he would tell stories of sleeping head-to-foot in his tenement apartment. apparently his father counted their feet when he came home to make sure they were all accounted for. i heard another story about the lickin' he got for stealing a nickel from his father to go see a movie. (he always claimed that my brother and i were lucky to have my "easy-going" dad around, because we'd have a lot more lickins if we were his kids. i always thought that was funny... "lickins.") we never heard much about his service in world war I and II, but he was there for both. (i wonder what he'd have to say about the sorry state of affairs that currently exists in iraq... hard to say.) later in life, my grandpa owned an italian restaurant in foley's square. he and his young wife were the lives of the party as they entertained famous judges, politicians, and scandal-ridden defendants from that day. i was most excited when he said that salvador dali came to his restaurant one day... "weird-looking guy" was the only quote i got out of him. as a younger man, my grandpa gave up on formal religion and lost touch with much of his family in the process. this came in handy, though, when he later met my grammie, a catholic-school girl gone bad. despite his distaste for religion, grandpa lived by the ten commandments ("that's all the religion i need."), and was quick with the lessons for us young folk "be a leader, not a follower," "listen to your father," and mil's personal favorite: "ugh, get that d*mn bird out of your mouth."*

happy birthday, grandpa. you were right. we miss you.

* author's note: the bird was never in my mouth.

oh...

and what about this one...


and this one.

yeah, and this one is asking $479K...

metsfan, cat, ab, are you with me yet???

elegy... the real estate edition

manhattan

here we have a lovely 1br apartment in the hip, desireable, mid-village area. asking $500K, this 480 sq. ft. gem would fit izzy and perhaps a couple more of her feathered friends, but mil and i would have to lilve with my folks...

brooklyn

this charming apartment in the idyllic, family-friendly park slope section of brooklyn offers slightly more space for your $500K. at 550 sq. ft., mil and i would have room to sleep and eat, but izzy might be consigned to the fire escape... and little'uns would be out of the question.

westchester

at 1,778 sq. ft. we've finally found a place larger than our current 1br. apt. far from stunning, this cute little home is near a quaint, historic town along the hudson river, a mere 40 minutes by train to the heart of manhattan. mil, izzy, and i would have plenty of room, and we'd even have some space for a couple of little ones. of course, we don't have $500K laying around, and this little house would probably require quite a bit of work to become the moosk family home... and there'd be a lot of 'holding it' with one bathroom in the house.

houston

(go to the website to get the full effect.) so now you see my dilemma... not that it's an actual dilemma at this point given, (a) we don't know where mil will get into medschool, and (b) we don't have anywhere near $500K. but houston is eh as a city (though this house is definitely in the cooler part of town), and all of my friends (or at least the highest concentration of my friends) are here in ny. anyway, this is why i say i'll be happy to live anywhere, because despite the fact that i love nyc and i love my friends here, anyplace is cheaper.

breakthrough

Window bird
Originally uploaded by marissa b..

some days this therapy sh*t kicks *ss. i had only one client today, but she was my most difficult... today, i finally made some progress, felt that first bit of contact with someone who'd barely held my gaze the first few sessions. it was amazing... here's to hoping i don't screw it up next week.

nyquil... take me away...

so, here i am -- back at work on a monday morning and drugged to high heaven. how does that work? i took the nyquil fourteen hours ago and i still feel like i'm going to zonk out on my desk. my body is floating in teh cotton-y drowsiness that is night-time nasal decongestants. key word: nighttime. i'm supposed to function under these conditions?!? i would have used my love-child, the afrin, but i've used it at least three times in the last week, and i don't want to become any more addicted than i already am.... heelllppp...

so, this guy walks into a taco bell...

another view of the park
Originally uploaded by atb20.

oftentimes, i write about how much i love this grizzly city. today was no exception. take a look... it doesn't get much more beautiful than this.

however, prior to a much needed saunter through the fall leaves, i met mil for one of our favorite outings... taco bell on fourth street. despite the college students and the multi-million dollar apartments, the village is still a rather colorful place. case in point, mil and i were dining at one of the small tables on the far side of the "restaurant." a large black man in a hoodie and with an intimidating, limping gait walks in and heads straight for the bathroom door. on noticing it locked, he yells over to the cashier, "the door's locked!" "yeah, it's for customers only." "well, i'm a customer!" "you have a receipt?" "i don't need a receipt!" the cashier dutifully buzzes open the bathroom door.

(i'm thankful that the cashier has the same sense of self-preservation i do.) about ten minutes later, mil and are finally breaking into the last of our gastronomic feast, and this ancient, hunched-over lady who had been sitting at a table nearby heads over to the bathroom door. she tries the knob unsuccessfully. she tries it again. still not opening. she then looks over to the cashier (a new one this time) who buzzes her in; however, the door still doesn't open. confusion ensues. mil and i commisserate, recognizing that the scary man has not come back out yet (now talk about scary -- what's that guy been doing in the restroom for ten minutes?). eventually, some guy knocks on the door and hears the guy in there, and tells the old lady, but she doesn't hear, so she continues to knock on the door and gets other cashiers involved in the effort with various buzzing and trying the knob going on. meanwhile mil and i are picturing this large man taking out the three-foot tall grandma as he storms out the restroom. fortunately, after five more minutes of this, the guy eventually came out, and despite a few choice words hurled in her direction the guy left her alone as he made his way out of the "restaurant."

hello, texas

Eastern Penn skylight
Originally uploaded by ClemieWynn.

your senators (and many others) just passed an amendment to withhold the right of habeus corpus for those hundreds of detainees in guantanamo bay who have yet to be charged with a crime...

"(e) no court, justice, or judge shall have jurisdiction to consider -

1) an application for a writ of habeas corpus based on policies established by the Secretary of Defense under Section 1071 (a) of the national defense authorization act for fiscal year 2006 filed by an alien who is detained by the secretary of defense, or

(2) any other action, challenging any aspect of the detention of an alien who is detained by the secretary of defense as an enemy combatant."

thanks, lindsay graham, for making america a little less free.

see obsidian wings for more.

old friends

kiddos (circa 1979)
Originally uploaded by atb20.

bro, showgirl, & moosk in the radioflyer.

yeah, those were simpler times. my biggest concern when i woke up in the morning was whether showgirl would be home when i ran over to her house at the crack of dawn -- this was always indicated by the garage door. open = home. closed = not home, sad moosk. (btw, it's really weird to refer to a three-year old as "showgirl." perhaps i should come up with a new moniker -- especially since it's been over a year since she's been in a vegas show. somehow "p.e. teacher" doesn't have the same ring, though.) over the years, showgirl and i have straddled ourselves on opposite sides of the country. she in vegas, me in new york. we've also followed quite different pathways: at 19, showgirl became pregnant with her older boyfriend's child. she left the comfort of her small texas college, driving distance from her parents and younger brother, to pursue love in las vegas. unfortunately, love didn't pursue her, and at 24, she was a divorced single mother with a smart, sassy, four-year old daughter. if you met her four years ago, you wouldn't know how she did it... she spent her nights doing acrobatics at a show on the strip, and during the day she worked furiously toward her BA in education, all the while caring ceaselessly for her young daughter. meanwhile in nyc, moosk was living the carefree life, working in theatre during the day, going out to drinks with friends in the evenings, and cozying up with mil in a parent-subsidized apartment in the west village (that i miss sooo much) on the weekends. now, once again, showgirl and i find ourselves in similar points in our lives. she was remarried this spring, and mil and i married the summer before. she is now gestating baby #2, as mil and i try to figure out when baby #1 will come into the picture. though still thousands of miles apart, it is interesting how our lives have come back together.

new york in fall

Pears & apples
Originally uploaded by vermilionink.

one of the things i love most about living in new york city is the prevalence of fresh fruit. surprised? seriously, every morning i walk by a stand that sells fresh fruit on the street corner... bananas for $.25, pears for $.50, and the apples... don't get me started on the apples... the harbinger of fall... they are amazing. this year, i am a big jona gold fan. a month and a half ago, i wouldn't have had a clue what jona gold was... one of austin powers lady friends? seriously, it's good stuff.
**
so... yeah... i'm brain dead. i've lost it. remember back when i could type a complete sentence and it would make sense? yeah. that doesn't happen anymore. i miss my brain. it was fun while it lasted. oh, yeah, i remember what i wanted to tell ya'll. a fun little tidbit from class courtesy of the world health organization. in a quick and dirty comparison of healthcare in france, israel, and the us, the us fares particularly poorly... for example, in israel, the life expectancy at birth is 80 years; in france, 79 years; in the us, 77 years. in israel, child mortality is 7 boys or 6 girls per 1000; in france, 5 boys or 4 girls per 1000; in the us, our child mortality rate is 9 boys or 7 girls per 1000. israel and france both have universal health coverage, and they spend $1890 and $2736 per capita on health respectively. in the us, we spend $5274 per capita on health -- that's 14.6% of our GDP as compared to israel's 9.1% and france's 9.7% -- all for a system that's ranked 37th in the world. that means that much poorer countries are keeping their citizens healthier than our expensive, elitist system in the united states. sad, eh? do with it what you will...

you don't have to be freud...

yellow & black
Originally uploaded by atb20.

...to figure out this dream.

mil and i are getting ready to leave for a conference in atlanta, when i realize that i don't know exactly what time the flight is. i look at the clock, and it's 12:30pm, and our flight is at 2pm... uh-oh, when's the next flight, maybe we can book that one? wait... i haven't booked any flights yet. i haven't booked a hotel either. i don't have a bird-sitter for izzy, and we should have left a half an hour ago! at which point the alarm goes off, and i wake up in a panic to start packing. it takes me a moment to realize that there was, in fact, no flight, no conference, no hotel... but, oh yeah, there was...

freud would probably tell me this was about some fears about my sexual performance, but i'll take it at face value: i'm still a little eeked-out by that darn hotel cancellation.

reprieve

park slope in fall
Originally uploaded by atb20.

thank you, election day... the random holiday our school allows. of course, i still have field, so my reprieve is all too brief, but i've already voted and vacuumed the apartment (let's not mention that i should be working on my midterm due next week), and here i am writing in my blog.
**
despite my brief bout of self-pity, the weekend was actually quite nice. it started when my friend, astrophysicist came over with the fixins for tofu curry and the first season of "lost." -- i'm a lucky lady. (mil and i are now thoroughly hooked.) saturday we went to a friend's baby shower, and i saw "jersey boys" with crimson. sunday i got to enjoy a gorgeous fall day in brooklyn with the gals. all in all it was a fun if not too successful weekend (namely because i got about five minutes of homework done.)

anyway, i knew you were dying to know what happened... so there you go. here's to a happy election day for all!

recovery

so, things are better today. my boss (#1) never ceases to surprise me. he's a hard-liner, known in the department for his uncanny ability to pitch a fit when he feels like it, but whenever i start hating myself for being a dunce he says something nice and charming... like this time, after a weekend of pouting and self-pity, he said he could tell from my email that i was wasting my limited energy feeling bad about this hotel business and that i shouldn't -- all would be ok. phew.
**
now that that's off of my mind, i'm once again wondering what's next. what the hell am i going to do with myself once this school thing is over with. how in the world am i going to be wife, mother, and primary breadwinner once mil starts school? has anyone mastered this? as daunting as life is now, i can only imagine that it will get more so once mil and i decide to procreate, yet i can't imagine my life without little mils and moosks running around. i feel like the world of today is utterly inhospitable to families. if you want to be taken seriously in your given industry -- man or woman, you're expected to forsake all other obligations in deference to the almighty dollar. (and the d*mn republicans think that homosexuals and abortions are the biggest threat to the american family...grr...) i'm sorry, but i've spoken with individuals all over the economic spectrum, and none of them have mentioned the fact that homosexuals can adopt children or raped teenagers can get abortions as their primary difficulty in raising just, capable children. no, of all the issues my friends, family, and acquaintances have mentioned, time and money are the common denominator. no parent i know complains of spending too much time with their children. why is the american system set up such that people must chose between their families and their careers? isn't the ideal situation one in which we can have both? time with our families -- to raise them with values, humility, and self-esteem -- and time to earn money and satisfy our own individual potential? i guess what i'm saying is that i want to turn this personal frustration into action. i want to find a way to use my social work skills to approach business in america... now if only i could figure out how...

momentary dispair

izzy 1
Originally uploaded by atb20.

for a while there, i had myself convinced that i was making it all work... the school, the internship, the work. i was worse for the wear, but i was doing it. i was going to have an msw without the crippling student loans and then, next fall, i could rest. then yesterday i got an email from my boss... it was a simple, pleasant email -- just checking to see why he received a charge for a hotel he didn't stay at. somehow this little, one-sentence email sent me into dispair because despite the fact that he cancelled this trip months before he was supposed to take it, i entirely forgot to cancel his hotel reservation, forgetting, in fact, that i ever made a hotel reservation. will this omission cost me my job? likely not. what it cost me was my sense of capability, my sense that i was superwoman (as my pajamas told me i was) and i could keep all these balls in the air without diminishing my performance at any one of them. what's frightening is that this omission happened over a month ago when i was still functioning at a higher level. at this point, my back aches, my head aches, i haven't exercised in years, and i have this cold or allergy or something that keeps me permanently stuffed up. on top of all this, i think i've seen mil all of five hours this weekend. he works till 8:30pm friday night, gets up for a 9am dentist appointment on saturday and comes home from studying at 8pm while i'm out at a play with a friend. this morning he awoke at 6:30am to get to his first MCAT prepcourse which will keep him out of the house till after 4pm. i don't know how he's doing it, but the fact that he's even busier than im just makes me feel worse. i want my weekends to be a release from my busy work week. i want to be able to make plans to see friends or go apple-picking upstate or see my folks and know that my favorite person will be able to do those things with me. instead i have to choose: do i make no plans so i can see mil for the few minutes that he's home or do i make plans and miss him when he has a brief break from his busy schedule? i sound so selfish when i write this because i know he's even busier than i am and therefore things are likely much more difficult for him (hell, he doesn't even have the luxury of that choice), but some days i just feel like roadkill, and as empathetic as i try to be, i can't help feeling sorry for myself.

tomorrow's another day, though. and i like to believe it can only get better...

the end...

tanzania
Originally uploaded by Isus.

...is not in sight.
**
in day-to-day life, i think i'm a reasonably sane person. for better, or for worse, i tend to be on the boring side of normal. i don't save my navel lint, or talk to myself in public places, or wash my hands 100 times before leaving my apartment. hell, the other day my father asked me what my worst childhood memory was, and all i could come up with was the time he called me "sh*thead." (and that was a joke -- one he'd love to tell you if you're interested.)

that said, when i go to sleep, i turn into a veritable loon. mil and i have had our worst arguments in our sleep... last night was no exception, except i have some memory of what happened. i was dreaming that i was seeing a child who's mother thought he was possessed. she had me watch this video of the kid standing at the top of the stairs saying "redrum" in a really creepy voice (it was a dream, people, so don't fault me for my lack of creativity). in the dream, i was very rational, referring to television programs, etc. that could have caused this kind of behavior, but i was creeped out enough that as i was analyzing this child's behavior i was forcably waking myself up. as i was gaining consciousness, i heard a man's voice talking as if a radio had been left on in the other room. it was hard to make out, and i was trying to figure out where the voice was coming from as i realized that it wasn't a man's talking, but my husband snoring. since i was still in my insane, sleep state, i was convinced that mil was trying to gaslight me -- or more specifically try to make me possessed. i was convinced i was going to start seeing satan's face in the shadows of our room a la "the exorcism of emily rose." fortunately, as the sleep-state faded reason returned, and i offered mil a loving nudge before returning to slumberland.

propanda is fun!

if you aren't a regular reader of sweet juniper, may i highly recommend dutch's most recent post on rob pongi. now that's some creepy sh*t.

duh...

woozy
Originally uploaded by atb20.

picture this: drool oozing out of a slack mouth, hair in shambles, dark circles under the eyes... that's how i feel. i can't remember what happened five minutes ago, let alone yesterday (about which i'm supposed to be writing a process recording - blech.) i'm staring straight ahead figuring that somehow i'll survive till thanksgiving, and then.. and then it's only a couple of weeks till winter break. hallelujah! (moosk finds religion.)
**
has anyone seen the ads for next week's "trading spouses"? i didn't see this week's episode, but i saw an ad for the culmination which happens next week. if you see this ad, if you see this woman, remember this is who wants to decide the reproductive rights of all american women... this is the kind of person who wants homosexuals to be confined to second class citizenship. i'm not sure if it's scary.. or hilarious. perhaps when you're done crying (or screaming) you just have to laugh.

happy halloween

jack
Originally uploaded by atb20.

interlude

so true... so true...

mil and i spent yesterday sleeping late, eating yummy egg tacos and fake sausage, and watching zim, but thankfully, yesterday was the end of daylight savings time, so even after all of that, it was only noon. we still had plenty of time to carve our pumpkin and kick around some fall leaves. we even went so far as to punish ourselves by visiting the puppy store on the east side. it was nice...

now it's monday -- even more beautiful than it was yesterday, and i am consigned to my underground dungeon. to add insult to injury some alito guy, nick-named "scalito" thanks to similarity to scalia, was just nominated to o'connor's seat on the SCOTUS. it just ain't fair...

a lesson learned

just because a film has a picture of a clown on it's cover, doesn't mean it's going to be cute or funny. remember "it" -- was that funny? "saw"? yeah, i didn't think so...


i should know by now that fellini is not known for his uplifting films, particularly any of the ones that star giulietta masina. visually stirring? yes. light? not so much. if you are looking for a break from those morbid, irksome characters of "six feet under," fellini is not your man.

danke schoen

brr... it's chilly out there. i walked mil to school this morning, so he could meet up with his orgo study group. (the man is nothing if not serious.) on my way back, i discovered that not only had fall come to central park...


...but the annual halloween fest had come as well, including a virtual pumpkin patch.


i love this time of year in ny. this is why i left texas. we didn't have fall in houston -- we had summer and "winter." no cold snap where the leaves turn brilliant shades of orange and yellow. just green, then brown, then gone. halloween is my favorite holiday in new york because it isn't really cold yet, the tourists haven't started flocking to town, and all the youngsters put on ridiculously adorable costumes and prance around the park.

dreams

Venice: Grand Canal
Originally uploaded by Henk still here.

i started a post about the lack of news coverage of the florida hurricane... you know how people in the most populated areas in florida are looking forward to a month without electricity or running water and you can't find it in any major news source. i just couldn't get into it, so...

i'm happy right now. i lived through my first acs report. it's friday. mil got a good grade on the physics exam he thought he bombed, so he's happy, too. i'm married to a kick-ass (if a little too busy) guy. i have friends i really enjoy. i have folks who like to hang out with mil and me, and take us out to fancy dinners on occasion to remind us that there restaurants other than "new taco express."

the only thing that eats into my happiness when i have a moment of worry to spare is the lack of money... not that we have much time to spend it, but it would be nice to at least be able to dream about a romantic trip to italy or a weekend getaway to maine. as it is, we're not sure how we're going to get to the last wedding on our schedule. last night over (a lovely french) dinner, my mom said, "oh, did you know we're going to paris?" "um, no." "the other weekend we were out with our (other semi-retired) friends, and one of us said -- 'hey, why don't we all go to paris?' and we said, 'why not?' so we're going in december. we're going to stay at the george sanc." "oh... that sounds nice." "i found the best dress, too..." it's amazing how easily my once bohemian mom has settled into the new york scene i can only dream about. i still like to live vicariously, imagining that someday mil will be a wealthy neurologist and i will be regaling our kids with stories about how we are jetting off to ravello, and staying at palazzo sasso, and i have the best dress...

night and day

フルーツヨーグルトパフェ
Originally uploaded by Kanko'.

it's amazing to me that they can call lowfat yogurt and full-fat yogurt the same thing... i can enjoy both, but if i'm expecting full-fat, and i get low fat, i am always sorely disappointed. if, like me, you've stuck to low-fat since the diet craze of the early 90s, it's time to try yogurt's most fattening and delicious incarnation -- whole milk yogurt with cream on top.... mmm.... heaven.

greying

ok, so i needed to stop seeing that post that refers to my acne -- specifically since the way that i titled it, one would think that i had acne all over my back (rather than that the acne i once had was "back" -- ahh, d*mn homonyms...).
**
so back to my usual flavor, i met a kid the other day who remarked that i had grey hair and he hoped that i knew it. gotta love those adolescents trying to stick-it to us old folks. i was, in fact, well aware that i have grey hair, and i find it distinguished. i actually can't wait until i have a full head of gleaming grey strands (and it looks like that will be happening any day now thanks to my daily stress level) -- brown is just so "last year." anyway, so adolescent then went on to ask how old i was. when i told him, he guffawed, "28!?! 28?? i thought you were like 40!" great... more proof that my body is growing to match my emotional age...
**
final note on "six feet under." mil and i just finished watching the fourth season, i believe. i was a little disappointed. i've heard the series finale is quite a jaw-dropper, so i will most definitely netflix season five, but i feel like all of these plot turns and twists take away from the character development. i mean they just dump so many ridiculous fiascos on each character in every episode (at least in seasons 3 & 4) that you rarely get a glimpse of who these people were before their father died, and why you should give a sh*t what happens to them. i remember really connecting with the characters at the beginning of the series, but now they are so frail and pathetic that i'm ready to watch them die and end their misery. maybe that's the point. happy. time to watch more family guy...

back-ne

baby ensemble
Originally uploaded by atb20.

i've noticed that i spend a great deal of time writing about how old i've been feeling lately, so i thought i'd spend a moment today writing about how i've regressed -- specifically on my epidermis. somehow at age 28 i have redeveloped acne that i haven't seen since age 18. thanks to the hormones i took in my single years, acne became a thing of the past. now that i've shunned hormones in favor of more natural, less protective birth-control methods, they've become a thing of the present. perhaps it was giving back all the clogged subaceous glands that were subdued by the progestin and estrogen i ingested during those years. i don't know, but it sucks... having grey hair and acne at the same time.
**
perhaps you're wondering about the little purple items shown above. they are the culmination of a weekend of knitting... (and, yes, it was fabulous.) together, they constitute the cutest things i've ever knit.

city living

view from our apartment
Originally uploaded by atb20.

i began to sense that i wasn't destined to be a manhattan girl forever when a friend who years ago left the city for a more idyllic setting came to visit and remarked how awesome our view was. my response was, "really? -- you have an ocean outside your window, and you're admiring our view of the time warner center??" i was perplexed. high-rise living was not what i had in mind when i first moved to nyc. i had visions of life in a tenement building or brownstone with a flower box outside my window and a quirky neighbor. i pictured weekends spent sipping coffee at the diner a la suzanne vega's "toms diner." or weekends on a parkbench sifting through the times with an old friend like paul simon. in part these visions came to life. i've sat in many diners and on many a park bench in my day but still haven't had the pleasure of a flower-box and my neighbors rarely say more than 'hello.' there's no kramer who barges in unannounced or weekday lunches with the gals in some trendy village cafe. i love new york, but i'm still trying to fit it into that eighteen-year old's vision of what it should be. maybe it's time to cut bait and move out to cheaper quarters? or maybe it's just time update my vision?

beginning of the end

Doomsday
Originally uploaded by Petri Tuohimaa.

some folks point to the frightening number of human deaths at the hands of mother nature in recent months as foreshadowing of the end of days. perhaps there is some truth there... doubtless, human beings will eventually die off -- quite possibly at the hands of mother nature as a big ole f- you to all those folks who didn't "believe in" global warming. but, personally, i don't think that's the biggest sign of the coming apocolypse. for me, it's situations like these that foretell a fate worse than death:

- an individual living in my building (and therefore wise enough to hold some kind of a job and feed him/herself on a regular basis) left streaks of dog feces in the elevator for friends and neighbors to enjoy on their way to work on friday morning. my guess is that informing the doorman of a "clean up in elevator #3" was just too far out of the way for him/her.

- a man on the subway friday evening, who was playing his music so loud i could hear if from several seats away. this is merely bothersome, as was the fact that he chose to grunt whenever anyone sat down on the bench he was on because it meant that he might have to splay his legs only two feet apart instead of his more comfortable three (nevermind that the entire train was packed door-to-door). no, what made me fear for the fate of mankind was when he chose to shove his bag into an elderly woman's back as he attempted to dash out of the packed train. the shove was so forceful that the woman arched her back and gasped in surprise, to which the kind man responded, "f- you lady -- maybe if you moved outta the way!"

- the final indicator of doom is actually an event reported by a third party, and to maintain anonymity, some specifics are left out. a friend mentioned to an acquaintance that they should go out to celebrate a recent achievement in acquaintance's life. friend, being somewhat of a gastronome, had previously mentioned one of his favorite snazzy restaurants, so it was agreed that that's where they should go. not wanting to dine alone with acquaintance, friend invited a couple other acquaintances that they had in common in order to mitigate some of acquaintance's less pleasant qualities. dinner itself was enjoyed by all, and acquaintance partook of several glasses of pricey wine. as the check came, friend asked acquaintance how he'd like to pay for his portion, and acquaintance responded, "i'm not paying!" with a look of shock on his face. friend grasped for a response, "um, i hadn't planned to pay for you... i can treat you to your wine, though." (nice gesture to no avail.) "no. i am not paying for this. you said you were taking me out." at this point he is getting quite worked up -- to the point where the others at the table are uncomfortable and people in the restaurant take notice. acquaintance is so unwilling to pay for his meal that one of the other guests offers to chip in on his meal to end the scene. friend, not wanting to upset things further, declines the offer and pays for the entirety of acquaintance's meal and wine -- much to the chagrin of his fiancee (and primary breadwinner).

no, these events are not as frightening or humbling as the events of recent months, but they serve to prove that there is some basic sense of respect and decency missing from a portion of the human population. as this proportion grows, my hope diminishes. perhaps that commune idea wasn't half bad...

rambling wo-man

Cow & Tree
Originally uploaded by DaveC71.

all's quiet on the friday front. i can barely keep my eyes open and all i want to do is be lazy and watch movies, and i can't believe it's only 4:30. how is that?? i feel like it should be 6:30.
here are the movies that i would be watching if i could be... and, yeah, i'm not limiting myself to movies.

1. amelie
2. x-files
3. beautiful girls
4. shopgirl
5. the squid and the whale
6. six feet under
7. ma vie en rose
8. blue... and red... not really white.
9. secrets and lies
10. when harry met sally
11. coupling (season 3.. or 4, i forget)
12. splash
13. love, actually
14. um... anything

and i'd be knitting... this.

you'll be happy to learn that today i woke up on time and i showered. yes, i think a pat-on-the-back is in order...

has anyone here ever thought about checking out of society and starting your own commune? you know raising your own cows and chickens and sheep (for the wool, of course)? keeping a seasonal vegetable garden in your backyard in vermont or something? having a neighbor with a vineyard or a brewery, so you can spice things up every now and again. sometimes it seems like a good idea. yay, and now it's 5:10!

office mate

pink & grey blur
Originally uploaded by atb20.

so this little goober is with me today. since i forgot to turn on my alarm and woke up about ten minutes before i was supposed to leave, i skipped the shower and the usual izzy cuddle time. out of guilt, i brought her in to work with me -- because she's such a great help, you know. first, she proceeded to take my breakfast and smear it all over my notebook and me. then part of me channeled mil and said, "hey, why don't you put her in her cage while you eat breakfast?" she wouldn't have any of it with wings and yogurt flying everywhere.

after breakfast was eaten and dishes (shirt, and notebook) were cleaned, she was freed once again from her torturous cage. (for some reason, while her cage at home is a safe haven from the scary noises of sneezes and telephone rings, this office cage is pure hell and requires constant running around and banging of the beak against the bars until either someone allows her to be freed or she figures it out for herself.) anyway, after all this productivity, izzy decided that she needed to sit on every surface of the office, including, but not limited to, my chair, my desk, my keyboard, my knee, her cage door, the floor, the printer, the book shelves... you get the idea. yes, and now i'm writing in my blog, so enormous productivity all around.

recycled coeds

ph20050801_19
Originally uploaded by Je m'appelle Sheri.

so, walking through the picturesque fall campus this morning, i briefly recognized a scruffy young fellow from my philosophy major days. just last week i saw my friend, politician, walking in front of me in his trademark track pants and lanky, self-assured gait. the strange thing is that neither of those people i remember still go to school here -- they haven't for over six years. but these same archetypes still exist in the columbia undergrad student body of today. moments after seeing scruffy philosophy major, i crossed paths with the buff, jock-lady basketball players. at least that's what they would have been in my day. they still travel in pairs... it's strange to me that the undergrads look so familiar to me. it's as if time has stood still and only i've gotten older. what's more frightening than running across reincarnations of friends and acquaintances, is that someday i'll find myself face-to-face with the me of six years ago. what will i think of what i see? most frightening would be to run into the me of six years from now and find her still frequenting the same campus (with the same pathetically small paycheck).

childing

Country Road
Originally uploaded by Jeannot7.

as i think about what the next few years are going to be like for mil and me (and how they are right now), i wonder why i feel so compelled to have children so soon. yes, 28 is precariously close to 30 when female bodies may or may not start making childing more difficult. yes, several close friends have become pregnant in recent months, and it seems quite exciting. but realistically, many women have children long after 30, and many more of my friends are nowhere near childing. chances are these are just rationalizations of more ingrained life changes.

perhaps its the first "tick" of the infamous biological clock. possible. it's also possible that the successful completion of life task #1, "find a mate," has left me ready for life task #2, "make babies." this seems rather reasonable, too.

the question for me is: who's right? the instinctual me that wants to make babies and be this inimitable earth-mother, planting a vegetable garden in the backyard (that doesn't exist) and knitting baby clothes while mil teaches them their abcs. or the rational me who realizes that it will be years before we can afford the money for a backyard and the time to sit and teach our kids their abcs. is it thoughtless and selfish of me to want to get started in less than a year?

at this point, i don't know, but i'll keep you posted. now it's back to all that school-work that does nothing to pay the bills.

random thoughts on a rainy friday

Damp Crossing #2
Originally uploaded by waterhot.

- wantingness previously mentioned is greatly reduced by working two jobs, taking two classes, and two days of internship

- husbands are best enjoyed in person

- a rainy friday morning can be greatly improved by a cinnamon-cheese muffin and a cup of coffee

- rain (particularly dirty, city, work-day rain) is better enjoyed from indoors

- knitting is very healthy as far as addictions are concerned

- sleep should occupy at least eight hours of my day

holy crap!

sometimes i'm just amazed by politicians... namely politicians who happen to be overtaking the american government these days. does this not go against every fiber of your being? red, blue, black, white, whatever?

a new orleans bus driver with intestinal cancer is seeking to continue his chemo while he is in baton rouge awaiting his return home and to his job. because his job currently doesn't exist, his health care coverage runs out at the end of the month. since this is only one of many cases like this resulting from katrina, the senate is attempting to meet the need:

in the senate, a bipartisan bill would open medicaid - the federal program created to serve the needy - for tens of thousands of displaced people like wilson [the guy mentioned above] for up to 10 months. the bush administration opposes that, saying it would create a major new entitlement. (LATimes)

yeah... all i can say is "holy crap!"